Why You Need to End That Toxic Relationship Today

It’s been dragging on for far too long. One of you is content, the other is miserable.  The latter is you. You’re not sure how much more of this pretend life you can live. This relationship was over a long time ago. Your partner thinks life is grand. Work, home, eat, watch TV, go to bed, maybe have sex, maybe not. Who cares? They don’t. You walk around like an emotionally void zombie, smiling on demand. Playing happy wife (husband) when you have to. When does it end? Can it? Will it? Should it? Read on to find out what happens when you finally end that toxic relationship.

 

Many of us stay in loveless relationships because leaving is hard and scary.

I was that person. The unhappy one. I stayed for many reasons.

  • I had nothing else
  • I had nowhere else to go
  • I convinced myself it wasn’t that bad (others had it WAY worse than me!)
  • I’m just being ungrateful for everything I do have
  • How is he going to be able to live without me

Things were bound to get better

Oh I had a list of reasons longer than my arm as to why I should stay. I fought to hold on for longer than I should have because I was sure things were going to get better. We had a fight, we talked about it after, he said sorry. “Babe I love you, sorry, it’s just that….” <insert excuse of the week. After a really bad fight I’d have to write out an email or letter so he would really get it. Pour out my soul. But he always said sorry and I love you. That means things can only get better, right? I held onto hope.  I mean, they couldn’t get worse, could they?

It’s time

Then one day, it was just time. I couldn’t do it any more. It was building up. 6 months of build up. Actually it was longer, maybe 2 years of build up. By the time I was ready to leave, time meant nothing. It didn’t matter how long I’ve been enduring this life. All that mattered was that I was finally leaving it. A life of turmoil, insecurities, lies, volatile love and charades was coming to an end. I didn’t know what was going to be on the other side of this life for me. I was scared out of my fucking tree. That’s what I knew for sure.

Fear will freeze you and make you question your actions.

But I knew it was gonna be scary. It was time to face fear head on and just push. This relationship had to end. There was nothing left in it for me. It was pure poison. There was love. Some love. But too little, and certainly not enough to hang on to any more. He had some good, just not for me.

Much to my surprise….

And then I did it. I packed my stuff, what little I had, and left. I knew there wasn’t going to be any turning back, ever. And I felt this huge wave of relief wash over me. It was like a tsunami, really. Like a tsunami of emotions. I was sad, I was happy, I was angry, I was so fucking mad at him. Why couldn’t he change to suit me? Why couldn’t this work? Why did it have to be like this? I had nothing. Inside or out. I was empty, broke and had nothing to my name. No wait, I had two things, really..

Pride and self confidence take a huge step forward to cheer you on.

And then something else happened. Life opened up for me. Freedom. A freedom I have never known in my whole life. A freedom that called my name, loudly. It wasn’t just a whisper any more. Freedom was yelling at the top of its lungs.  “Iva, it’s about fucking time!” And I embraced life like I never have, ever before. And life was beautiful. And so was I. I wasn’t all those things I had been told for so many years. I was better than all that and I was about to prove all that to myself.

It’s all about me now

I get to do things I’ve always wanted to do and never did, right down to eating cereal for dinner and staying up late and sleeping in on the weekends. I also got to find out who I am. Who I really am. What my purpose and my passion is.  I answer to myself only, and God. I do the best I can with what I have and my best is to help mankind.

Spread love and joy and peace and happiness. That’s what life really is all about.

Bartender, please salt the rim and top it with a slice of lime.

 

Source http://amazingmemovement.com/end-that-toxic-relationship-now/?c=ACR

10 Clear Signs it Was Time For Me to Wake the Fuck Up.

Have I really been sleeping for all these years? Probably. I mean, maybe not in a complete life coma but pretty close.  I sit here and type this and realize my whole life is a haze, a blur.  All 53 years of it. What on earth have I been doing all this time? But most importantly, why did it take me this long to wake up.

I used to remember hearing people say life begins at 50 and wondered what that meant. I totally get it now. Life really does begin at 50. I went through a whole lotta shit (and good stuff too!!) for the first 50 years of my life. It was colourful to say the least.  And honest to God, I hit 50 and my first thought was “what the fuck am I doing?” It was time to wake up.  I took inventory of my life and these things flashed by. Signs that it was time to wake up.

 
  1. You’re probably more than halfway through life. This was a big one for me. Omg. More than half of my life is gone. What have I been doing? Well, living actually, but more like learning and preparing me for the next half of my life, I like to think anyway.
  2. There are so many more things I want to do. Travel, write books, speak in public. I had a list as long as my arm and I hadn’t even knocked off a fraction of it. I had to get cracking at that.
  3. I have a purpose and I need to start living it.I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die. No no no, not this girl. Not any of us really, but that’s how we live. We wake up, go to work, pay bills and die. We have so much more to do than that. You know that.
  4. I was stuck and frustrated. I felt this anxiety inside of me that kept poking at me. Almost wanting to scream at me, “hey lady, wake up!! You got shit to do. What on earth are you waiting for”?
  5. I was tired of just existing. I wanted to live. There’s a life to live and I was just existing. There was a life buried in my dream of dreams and I needed to unleash it. Live it, see it, taste it, feel it. It was dying to get out.
  6. There’s a free spirit inside that needs to be freed. I could feel her. Why was I keeping her locked up inside? A spirit inside of me that was crying, I could almost hear her moaning in anguish, wanting to be freed. I had to let her escape and live.
  7. The world needs me. I don’t mean this in an egotistical way. I mean the world is in desperate need of healers, lovers and kind people and I was one of them. Why was I not sharing all that with the world? The world needs me.
  8. I don’t want to die with regrets. I can’t and won’t be 80 years old, lying in my death bed and thinking “damn I wish I would have….”. I don’t want to be that person. I refuse to be that person.
  9. You only get one shot. This is it.Life is not a dress rehearsal. You’re not going to get another chance to do shit if you didn’t do it while you were alive.  Iva, what on earth are you waiting for? Stop pretending and practising. Get out and live.
  10. Being happy is my birthright and it’s time to start being. Happiness has been inside of me all this time, also screaming to get out and be released and experienced. I had been miserable for many many years.It was time to be happy. The time was now.I did whatever I felt I had to do to get to that place of happiness and man, it was worth it.

So much inside of me woke up. There were people to see and love, joy to share, love to spread, smiles to see and a beautiful life to live. At 50 years old, it was time to do it. It was finally time to wake up and I have never been happier in my life, ever. (ok well maybe except the day my kid was born)

Hey you, it’s time to wake the fuck up.

Peace and Love

Iva

source http://amazingmemovement.com/10-signs-its-time-to-wake-up-and-live/?c=ACR

16 Quotes To Help You Let Go Of The Past

 

 

Do you often find your past dragging you down, holding you back, and preventing you from moving forward along your path in life? If so, this collection of quotes should be of some help.

Read them, re-read them, and absorb their lessons. Write them on post-it notes and stick them around your home; create a little book of quotes and read some upon waking up and before going to bed; do anything that reminds you daily of the importance of letting go.

 

You can’t possibly embrace that new relationship, that new companion, that new career, that new friendship, or that new life you want, while you’re still holding on to the baggage of the last one. Let go… and allow yourself to embrace what is waiting for you right at your feet.– Steve Maraboli

 

Be simple, don’t carry the baggage of the past, open your hands, and let it go.– Debasish Mridha

It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place.– Angelina Jolie

Letting go is the willingness to change your beliefs in order to bring more peace and joy into your life instead of holding onto beliefs that bring pain and suffering.– Hal Tipper

If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.– C. JoyBell C.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.– Lao Tzu

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.– Ann Landers

Before you can live, a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time, or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth, then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.– Shannon L. Alder

I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.– Fridtjof Nansen

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.– Paulo Coelho

Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you’ll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival.– Osho

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.– Daphne Rose Kingma

I eventually came to understand that in harboring the anger, the bitterness and resentment towards those that had hurt me, I was giving the reins of control over to them. Forgiving was not about accepting their words and deeds. Forgiving was about letting go and moving on with my life. In doing so, I had finally set myself free.– Isabel Lopez

It is not the actions of others which trouble us (for those actions are controlled by their governing part), but rather it is our own judgments. Therefore remove those judgments and resolve to let go of your anger, and it will already be gone. How do you let go? By realizing that such actions are not shameful to you.– Marcus Aurelius

Letting go may sound so simple, but rarely is it a one-time thing. Just keep letting go, until one day it’s gone for good.– Eleanor Brownn

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.– Melody Beattie

For these quotes – and others like them – to be an effective tool for creating change within you, try to remind yourself of them as often as possible. If you do nothing else, bookmark this page so that you can return to it often.

Which of these quotes had the greatest impact on you when reading it? Leave a comment below and let us know which is your favorite.

 

from https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3692/16-quotes-help-let-go-baggage-free/?c=ACR

The Ugly Truth About Life That No One Wants To Tell You

 

In this short, sharp, snappy article, we’ll explore one of the less talked about sides of life as a living, breathing human being. It is an ‘ugly truth’ that most people prefer not to even consider, let alone face up to and accept.

This truth has everything to do with balance and the two-sided nature of life. You see, we have become a society that is fixated on the quest for all things good – happiness, health, satisfaction, love (along with things many people think are good – wealth, power, beauty). This, however, makes us unwilling to accept anything bad or undesriable.

In actual fact, many things that we associate as being good are simply a lack of something bad; happiness is a lack of sadness, peace is a lack of conflict, contentment is a lack of stress, belief is a lack of doubt, and so on.

What’s more, there tends to be a natural cycle between such things caused by none other than the ebbs and flows of life. Happiness cannot last forever because sadness is a natural reaction to certain events. Peace will eventually give way to conflict, just as belief is shattered by the return of doubt.

Without full spiritual realization and the ascension beyond all that is linked to the individual mind-body, fluctuations between positive and negative will occur until our dying days.

What does this all mean?

It means we needn’t try to run from all our negative emotions and unwelcome circumstances because they are just part of the greater cycle our lives follow. The flow is not always an even oscillation either; both long and short waves of good/bad are possible.

You might go weeks, months, or even years without having too much in the way of bad enter you life and then face a prolonged period of it – and vice versa. Trying to fight against the tide is often a futile exercise.

 
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So I should just take all the crap that life throws at me?

Kind of, but not exactly.

Bad things will befall you, but you have the power to choose your reaction to any given situation. This power allows you to lessen the intensity with which you feel and express your emotions. You can face up to a particularly difficult time and recognize it for all that it is – a chapter in your life that will come to an end.

Knowing that things will one day get better is, by itself, a powerful shift in your mindset, and one that can help you to cope to the best of your abilities. As difficult as the present might be, you can be 100% positive that the future holds something altogether better for you.

This holds true in both the short and long term. Emotions can come and go in a short space of time which means that even if your day starts off terribly, there is an opportunity for something better to come.

And often, the very knowledge that good follows bad makes you more open to seeing the good and welcoming it into your life.

But surely this means that good times have to end?

Yes, this is also true.

When you’re enjoying a particularly tranquil and pleasant time in your life, be aware that it will come to an end. You may think this knowledge would make such times less enjoyable, but consider it a wake-up call to embrace every single infinitesimal moment in the now.

Understanding that bad will follow good is actually a blessing, not a curse. If you live in denial and neglect to consider the natural flow of life, you will take the good for granted.

If you accept the passing of good into bad, the opposite is true. When you are on a high note, you will cherish every single second of it in the knowledge that it must end. It will force you into the present moment to engage with the world in such an honest and open way.

Is change for the better just a dream then?

Not always.

In some cases we are right to expel certain people or behaviors from our lives where we have such power. Self improvement is a possibility for everyone and a reality for many. We can make changes with the aim of getting the most out of all that is good, while learning to cope and manage with those times that are bad.

This won’t necessarily influence when and how the tides change (although it might), but it will make us appreciate the waves all the more.

Life, after all, is change; it cannot be avoided. As humans, we are far from perfect, but we have the capacity within us to improve our circumstances with the power of mind alone.

We will all make mistakes, we will all fail miserably at something, we will all be faced with times of great anguish. But we can all rise back up, we can all learn from events, and we can all grow and adapt to become better people.

Remember this: sometimes in life you can be the driver, and other times you have to be a passenger. Whichever you happen to be at any given time, know that your attitude makes a big difference to how you experience the entire journey.

10 Daily Habits For An Awesome Life

I felt inspired to put this list of daily habits together after I was feeling a little bit sad for a few days. Yes, that’s right, even positive people like me can feel a little bit down every now and then. But rather than let sadness control me and effect different areas of my life, I sat down and put together a list of positive daily habits that I would follow that would change my mindset, put me back on track and that would also lift my spirit immediately.

10 Daily Habits For An Awesome Life

I wrote down a list of positive habits that had helped me in the past to feel more confident and be more positive. Once I put this list together, I made a conscious habit to follow each one every day and the results were awesome. This is a wonderful list of habits that will help anyone who is feeling a little bit low at the moment or indeed for anyone who wants to take their lives to another positive level altogether.

 

Wake Up Earlier

By waking up an hour earlier than normal is a total game changer. This extra hour will give you plenty of time to follow each of the awesome daily habits that I highly recommend. Rather than waking up, taking a quick shower before getting dressed and running out of the door every morning. Getting up an hour earlier will give you plenty of time to do all of the following life changing habits. Waking up earlier might seem a little bit difficult at first, but if you start going to bed an hour earlier it will become quite easy.

 

“Have goals that make you want to jump out of bed every morning.”

 

Drink More Water

Most people think that they wont get through their day without a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. However, nothing will give you more energy and more focus than starting your day with a glass of refreshing water. Also as an added bonus, not only will you start to feel better, but you may even start look better. Water helps to rehydrate your body from the inside out, and while that includes your organs and muscles, it also includes your skin. Having proper hydration, especially in the morning, can help your skin to have a healthy glow all day long.

 

 

Say Positive Affirmations

How you speak to yourself consciously or subconsciously every morning will have a dramatic effect on your mindset. What you tell yourself can have a huge impact on your entire day. I like to start my day by reading out loud some of my favorite quotes. Reading positive quotes in the morning will inspire you to have more belief in yourself, to have more belief in your goals and they will inspire you to take positive action every day. I also like to affirm a few positive affirmations in front of the mirror every morning. This felt really unusual at first, but when I say with total belief “I feel positive, I feel confident, I feel happy” a big smile comes on my face and I stand a little bit taller and I get a wonderful feeling inside.

Here are some examples of powerful affirmations that you can use, but feel free to write down your own powerful daily affirmations.

    • I am feeling happy and enthusiastic about life.
    • My heart is overflowing with joy.
    • Every day in every way, I am becoming more and more successful.
    • I am feeling powerful, confident, energetic, and on top of the world.
    • When I breath, I inhale confidence, positivity and enthusiasm.

 

Exercise

30 minutes of exercise in the morning will help to boost your endorphin’s and will put a smile on your face for the rest of the day. Your skin will also glow, as you will feel totally energized from head to toe. You wont get that feeling from drinking a cup of coffee. Have your exercise clothes and workout area prepared from the night before. Don’t wait until you have to get into shape for your holidays before you start to exercise. Start this wonderful habit as soon as possible.

 

 

Meditate

Practicing a few minutes of meditation every morning is a wonderful way of relaxing your mind and helping you to focus on the important things in life. A few minutes of meditation every morning will also help to reduce any anxiety or stress that you might be feeling. Meditation can also help you to be more creative and productive. The list of benefits from meditation is vast and really worth the personal investment.

 

Write in your Journal

Writing in my journal every day is the most powerful daily habit that I practice. I strongly suggest that you start this wonderful habit as soon as possible. You will be so glad that you did. From writing down what you are grateful for, your plans for the day, your goals and dreams for the future and your thoughts of the present. Journaling is a powerful uplifting habit that can be a real life changer.

 

 

Read Your Goals

Do you have a list of your exciting one year goals? If you don’t, I strongly suggest that make this a major priority. When you have a list of goals that inspire you, they can help to totally turn your life around. Knowing were you are heading, and following a careful plan is a totally uplifting feeling. But don’t just write out your goals and forget about them. Read them everyday, and take one action step every day towards achieving them.

 

Believe In Yourself

When you believe in yourself anything is possible. All of your goals, dreams and your exciting plans for the future all seem very achievable. When you start to believe in your abilities, your strengths and your skills you know that you have the power within you to overcome and accomplish anything that you want to. Don’t wait for others to believe in you, start by having total belief in yourself first. Remember, if anyone can do it you can!

 

 

Show More Gratitude

When you start to show more gratitude to the wonderful world around you, you will become a much more happier person, more positive like minded people will be drawn to you, and you will start to feel better about yourself, and more wonderful things will start to show up in your life. I personally write down three things that I am grateful for every morning. Sometimes in our busy lives we forget to stop for a few moments to really enjoy and show more gratitude to the wonderful things in our lives. Everyday take a few minutes to show gratitude for the beautiful sights, sounds, and smells around you, as well as the experiences and the people that you love.

 

Take Action

If you want long lasting positive change in you life you have to take more action. You cannot just hope and wish for a better life, you have to go out and make it happen. I really hope that you start a few positive habits as soon as possible. Nothing will give me more happiness than to know that you took action to make your life better. I know that you can and I totally believe that you will.

 

Source http://yourpositiveoasis.com/10-daily-habits-awesome-life/?c=ACR

6 Major Signs Your Partner Sees You As An Option, Not A Priority

6 Major Signs Your Partner Sees You As An Option, Not A Priority

 

In any kind of relationship, no one wants to believe that they might not be a priority to the other person as much as that person is a priority to them. If and when you reach such a realization, it is normal for you to want to ignore the signs or try and rationalize them.

Sticking around in the hope that the person will change how they treat you and make you their number one priority in life is an unhealthy illusion.

If your partner only makes you feel special on important occasions, such as Valentines Day and your birthday, and then miserable the rest of the year, you should be mindful of these 6 major signs that clearly show your place in their lives.

1. All Plans Are On Their Terms

When seeing each other, arrangements are usually made at the last minute. This might mean that your partner exhausts all other options before confirming any plans with you. For them, hanging out with you is something they do when there is no better alternative. As a result, you are likely to spend much of your time together indoors, with more adventurous activities being few and far between.

At the same time, they always want to know your plans, but rarely ever suggest things once you’ve told them. This is a way for them to know they have a safety net if all else fails.

2. You Feel Like You Are Not As Important To Them

They never take you as a ‘plus one’ to their important events or even to chill out with their friends. If you were a priority, you would be their go-to date for all events, from a simple night out with friends to their best friend’s wedding.

They always bail/cancel on things that mean a lot to you. For example, after committing to come to your important family event, they cancel unapologetically the night before. Only later do you find out that they spent all day at home playing games instead.

And they always forget dates and events that are important to you. Only you remember your anniversary, birthdays, or other important stories in your lives. Your partner never does the same for you.

Note that people always remember things that are important to them!!

3. You Make All The Effort And Moves

From the first move, to the first date, to defining the relationship, you are always the one making all the effort. If your partner takes forever to reply to your texts, they never organize any plans, and never call or text first, then you have cause to be alarmed.

Secondly, they only respond or reach out when they want something. They are otherwise too busy to get back to you, but give you major attitude if you don’t respond instantly to them – even when you are genuinely tied up with work.

 

4. Your Partner Treats You Horribly

You constantly find yourself in situations where you have to make excuses for them to your friends and family regarding how they treat or talk to you. It may be embarrassing, especially if in public, but choosing to defend their actions is choosing to accept their bad behavior.

They accuse you of being crazy whenever you stand up for yourself and speak out on your issues. This kind of emotional manipulation is a clear indication that your partner has no regard or respect for your feelings. No one should guilt you into taking mistreatment lying down. A partner who cares about you will take the time to try and understand where you are coming from and apologize.

5. You Feel Generally Unhappy And Misused

He or she makes you feel genuinely unhappy, insecure and misused. Around them, all your insecurities are heightened and you feel depressed.

Does seeing them no longer bring you joy or excitement? If the only time you, as partners, are not miserable during the year is on special days like holidays or birthdays, then that is a huge red flag.

You constantly feel taken advantage of. Trust your intuition and if you feel like you are always sacrificing your life and dreams for your partner, it is time to re-evaluate your relationship priorities.

Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial and happy, even though disagreements every once in a while are perfectly normal.

6. They Are Constantly Lying

If you are always catching your partner in lies, however insignificant, this should be a major cause for concern. Moreover, if your partner is always acting suspiciously and secretively with their gadgets, they are probably hiding something.

Relationships should be founded on honesty and trust, and the minute you can’t trust your partner, you have to question whether your relationship is heading anywhere.

Are there any other signs that your partner treats you as an option and not a priority? Leave a comment and let us know.

source https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3665/6-major-signs-partner-sees-option-not-priority/

Can You Fix A One-Sided Relationship Or Should You End It?

Can You Fix A One-Sided Relationship Or Should You End It?

 

Do you feel like you are the one doing all of the work in your relationship? Do you only participate in activities that your partner wants to do? Does your partner take you for granted or hide you from important people?

One way relationships still consist of two people, except that in these partnerships only one person does the work. While you may be fully committed to your partner, it may not be enough to keep your relationship alive and thriving. If love is not being reciprocated, it is difficult to build a long-lasting relationship. If you are in a one-sided relationship, you may wonder if you should try to fix it or move on to someone else that might treat you better.

5 Signs You Are In A One-Sided Relationship

Sometimes you may know deep down that you are in a one-sided relationship, but admitting it to yourself and deciding what to do is the toughest part of it all. If it’s less clear in your mind that this is the situation you face, here are the signs that you are definitely involved in such an unbalanced relationship.

1. You Initiate Most Communication

You are the one that makes the phone calls, sends the text messages, and makes the effort to get together. If you don’t make the communication, you’ll go days without hearing anything. You can count on one hand the times that your partner initiated a conversation with you.

2. Your Partner Chooses His/Her Friends Over You

If your partner wants to go out with friends, he or she doesn’t invite you to come along. If you ask your partner to hang out with you and your friends, he or she rejects the offer. It seems as though your partner prefers his or her friends to you.

3. Your Partner Ignores Relationship Problems

You are the only one that tries to talk about the issues that you are experiencing together in your relationship. Your partner rolls their eyes and gets irritated with you for bringing it up again. He or she prefers to ignore the problems you are facing.

4. Your Partner Doesn’t Care About You

If you get the feeling that your partner doesn’t care about you, you are probably right. If you are in a one-sided relationship, your significant other does not care about making you happy. He or she doesn’t ask about your day or listen to your stories. Instead, the only thing you do talk about (when you actually talk) is your partner’s life.

5. You Constantly Worry The Relationship Is Falling Apart

You are stressed all of the time because you are worried that your relationship is about to be over. The worst part is that somehow you think it is your fault. You have tried to address the issues, but your partner just isn’t interested.

Can You Fix A One-Sided Relationship?

If you are determined to give it your all, you can try to fix a one-sided relationship. There is no magic formula, and it may not work at all. Sometimes the relationship cannot be fixed, and once you realize this, you will be able to leave knowing that there wasn’t anything you could do. Equality and respect are vital to all relationships, so unless you can get the balance that you need and deserve, your relationship might be doomed.

If you feel that you are in a one-sided relationship and want to fix it, try these strategies to determine if your relationship has a viable future.

 
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1. Find Out If Your Partner Is Willing To Change

You won’t be able to fix a one-sided relationship by yourself. Your partner will have to be an active participant. The first thing you need to ask yourself is “Is my partner willing to change?” If he or she is not willing, there isn’t much you can do. Before you spend all of your energy chasing this relationship, find out if it has a chance.

2. Sort Out Your Feelings

Before you can start to communicate effectively with your partner, you need to get a handle on how you really feel. How does being in a one-sided relationship make you feel? Are you frustrated, scared, sad, or anxious? Perhaps you are confused as to how you ended up in this situation. The more you can get in touch with your own feelings, the better you will be able to communicate effectively. Take some time to yourself to get all of your emotions sorted out first.

3. Communicate With Your Partner

Communication is the only way to fix a one-sided relationship, so you have to have the big talk with your partner. Without getting angry, carefully explain to your partner about what is going on and how you feel. If your significant other is committed to you, he or she will listen. If they are not interested in putting forth the effort, they will show little regard for your feelings.

4. Focus On One Problem At A Time

Stay focused on one issue at a time so that you avoid overwhelming your partner. You don’t want him/her to feel attacked. Stay specific and avoid bringing up past issues. Stay in the present. Even if your partner gets defensive and tries to bring up irrelevant issues, stay the course and avoid getting emotional. No one said this would be easy.

5. Focus On Yourself

Try to spend some time focusing on yourself. Growing your own life is the easiest way to fix a one-sided relationship. How long has your life been dominated by the whims of your partner? Break the cycle. What do you want out of life? What do you enjoy doing? Spend some time reflecting and building your own life – outside of your relationship.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a relationship, it can be hard to see clearly. A successful relationship requires two people loving and caring for each other – not only one person. If your partner really does love you, he or she will take action to correct the behaviors that are making you unhappy. If you do not see a positive change, it is time to value yourself more than you value your relationship. Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship that drags you down. You are worth more than that.

Have you experienced a one-side relationship before? What one piece of advice would you offer to someone reading this who’s in one now? Leave a comment below with your pearls of wisdom.

 

source https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/4269/can-you-fix-one-side-relationship-or-should-you-end-it/

7 Signs You And Your Partner Are Incompatible

7 Signs You And Your Partner Are Incompatible

 

Have you ever wished that you could just know whether you and your partner are right for each other without having to spend (and sometimes waste) time finding out?

We all want to find our perfect match and live happily ever after, but what if the two of you are quite different in many ways?

For instance, my husband loves strawberry ice-cream, and I prefer chocolate. He loves action movies while I prefer drama. He hates exercise, and I love it. Are we destined for failure? Sometimes it feels that way.

All relationships are going to have problems from time to time. Some of those issues are serious, and others are just a fact of life. How do you know the difference between healthy issues and unhealthy issues?

If you have recently found yourself questioning whether your partner is really your soulmate, here are a few signs that the two of you may actually be incompatible.

1. The Future Looks Different

If your partner wants the white picket fence with kids running around in the backyard while you envision a life in the busy city, there may be long-term issues with your relationship. If you want marriage and your partner wants something more casual, your relationship may be over already without you even realizing it. There are certain aspects of your future that the two of you must align on if you want to stay happily together. You should agree on marriage, children, and a home base where you will settle. Other things such as vacations, hobbies, and preferred pets can probably be worked out.

When you close your eyes and picture what your future looks like, does it align with what your partner sees?

Incompatible goals in a relationship can be a sign of problems that cannot be overcome. It will ultimately come down to whether you can find a middle ground that you can both be happy with in the long run. If you do decide to compromise, make sure you are both completely behind it. Otherwise, there could be a blame game waiting for you in your future, and that will not end well.

 
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2. You’re Both Stubborn

Relationships can work with one stubborn person. However, when there are two stubborn people in a relationship, the outlook isn’t as good. Stubborn people tend to hold their ground no matter what – these are the people who do not apologize or admit they are wrong. Can you imagine what would happen when there is a disagreement between two stubborn people? You would both hold your ground and probably end up ending things just because you each refuse to admit any wrongdoing. (Not to mention that regular bickering is also a sign of incompatibility as we’ll discuss in just a minute.)

If you want to change your stubborn ways, start small. Think before you speak, and always put yourself in your partner’s shoes to see his or her viewpoint. Realize that sometimes you are going to be wrong, no matter how much you disagree. Also remember that sometimes it is easier to just agree to disagree instead of making every little thing into a big deal.

3. You’re not on the Same Intellectual Level

If you are a Harvard grad with three different degrees and your partner is a high school dropout, it might not work out as you’d hope. In the beginning, you may be able to overlook the differences and still have fun. Sometimes, in the initial stages of a relationship, you are blinded by love. However, after the initial honeymoon phase is over, there will probably be some big differences between the two of you that might prove difficult to overcome. The way you think is bound to be different based on the amount of education you each have had. Your professional lives will likely differ substantially, too.

There are exceptions to this rule so don’t immediately give up on a healthy relationship just because you are more or less educated than your partner. As long as you can engage in thoughtful and meaningful conversation and enjoy doing similar things, you will probably be able to make it work. Recognize the difference and make a decision based on what feels right for you.

4. Communication doesn’t Happen

Has communication failed? You don’t have a lot to say to each other anymore. You text instead of talk on the phone or sit down face-to-face. The two of you have fallen into a routine that looks more like a ninety-year-old couple. Does this sound familiar? While some communication breakdown is normal and expected, too much of it can be fatal for your relationship.

Let me explain. If you are no longer communicating well with your partner, your relationship is in a rut. If you want to get out of that rut, you’ll need to find new interests or challenges together. If you stay in a boring routine too long, your relationship will go stale and it will be difficult to salvage. Try to introduce a variety of different activities that the two of you can do together. Turn off all digital distractions and talk to each other! If your partner isn’t interested in making these changes, it is a sign that your relationship is not going to work out after all.

5. The Love Just Isn’t There Anymore

Does your heart beat a little faster when you see your mate? It probably used to, but over time it has faded a bit or gone away completely. The magic is gone. Sometimes people stay with partners whom they no longer love because it is comfortable. Change is tough, so they would rather just stick it out. The problem comes years later when their unhappiness is too much to live with. Those people end up resentful and miserable.

If you feel like the spark is gone in your relationship, try reconnecting again. Go on a date. Hold hands. Pretend that you just met. Do something different to mix it up. Try to remember the reasons you first fell in love. If it still doesn’t work, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship and move on.

6. Your Partner Spends More Time with Friends

If your partner is channeling more energy and time into someone or something other than you, it is a possible sign that they have lost interest in your relationship. There must be a time investment from both sides. If your partner isn’t making the time for you and regularly chooses friends or hobbies over you, your relationship may be doomed.

If you want to fix your relationship, you must have your partner set aside time for you frequently (preferably every day). Having a plan when you first try to resolve your issues shows that you are committed to working things out. If your partner isn’t interested, hit the road now. You are worth more.

7. Bicker, Bicker, Bicker

Arguing and bickering are things that all couples do. There is no way around it. The two of you are going to disagree from time to time, and sometimes that is ok. Some amount of arguing is considered healthy (although you shouldn’t consider arguments part of the desired communication mentioned above).

If the arguing ever turns abusive, it is time to make a quick exit. But if you are just bickering and want to stop, try calling a truce and see if you can hold it for a week. If the arguing is difficult to stop, you can always try couple’s therapy.

No matter how bad things get in your relationship, it can be difficult to realize when to call it quits. All relationships require hard work, lots of energy, and time. Sometimes, however, there are strong telltale signs that you and your partner are incompatible. When you recognize those signs, you can choose to end the relationship now instead of investing even more of your precious time trying to remain in a dead end relationship.

 

Source https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/429/

I have outgrown many things.

I have outgrown many things.

 

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family’s unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown women who wear masks and secretly rejoice at misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for men who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends and family who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don’t take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I’m not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I’ve never felt freer.” — Chanda Kaushik

Thank you for loving me

Thank you for loving me

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Sometimes we need to stop and say “Thank you for loving me.” It is such a simple thing to say yet it carries so much weight, whether it is with a spouse while you both read your books or it’s with a friend who has been with you through thick and thin or it is to a family member who has loved you from the start. Those words, that thought, the action of saying it to them with purpose and truth can mean the world to them. Because after all, they mean enough for you to say “Thank you for loving me.”

~Unknown