50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success

 

Perhaps you look on them with envy? It’s understandable. But as you’ll soon see, you can leave envy behind – and start to build your own happiness and success.

You Probably Weren’t Taught Soft Skills at School

Have you come across the term ‘soft skills’ before? Most likely not. To be honest, it’s something that is rarely taught in schools. However, to be truly happy and successful you need to develop a wide-range of soft skills.

If you’re wondering what soft skills are, then think about skills related to your attitude, disposition and personality. (How you choose to communicate with others, for example.)

Schools typically fail to develop our soft skills. For instance, you may know how to write a 1000-word essay on WW2, but do you know how to demonstrate your trustworthiness to a vulnerable, frightened person?

Why Soft Skills Are so Important

Soft skills can make a huge difference to your life. Without them, you’ll struggle to find work, partners and happiness. Soft skills really do matter.

To give you a concrete example, think about a time when you interviewed for a job – but were unsuccessful. You may have been turned down because you lacked experience or qualifications, but it’s also possible that you lost the job due to having inadequate soft skills.

Situations such as interviews, require a variety of soft skills from the interviewee. These include: being a good listener, emphasizing with the interviewer, and demonstrating a positive attitude.

To Be Happy and Successful, Develop These 50 Soft Skills

Happy and successful people are likely to have most (if not all) of the 50 soft skills listed below:

  1. The ability to listen. Through listening, you can learn from others. You’ll also gain more friends – as most people love to talk about themselves or their lives.
  2. Willingness to accept feedback. Whether good or bad, feedback is vital for your success. For example, by taking criticism on board, you may be able to make positive changes.
  3. Having a flexible approach. Flexibility is not taught in schools, but is required in all areas of life. Just think how many times you’ve had to adjust your plans to match a partner’s requirements?
  4. Assertive when needed. You may not be a naturally assertive person. However, you should definitely learn to be assertive when the situation requires it. For instance, if you need to ask a shopkeeper for a refund.
  5. Can focus on a task or problem. In today’s technology-drowned world, attention spans have dropped to all-time lows. Break out of this, and develop a powerful ability to focus on what needs doing. This will put you streets ahead of the average person.
  6. Understands the power of team working. Being able to work harmoniously in a team is a vital skill. Whether you work in a factory, office or shop, it’s inevitable that you’ll be part of a team. You must learn how to get on with others, and if you’re a team leader, you must also know how to motivate and inspire your team.
  7. Knows when to be competitive. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t class myself as a competitive person. However, I’ve learned that from time-to-time that being competitive is essential to success. In my case, I’ve had to regularly compete with other freelance writers for work. In your case, you may find yourself having to compete with colleagues to attain a higher position within your company.
  8. Confident in all situations. Successful people seem to ooze confidence. You’ll need to do the same if you want to match their success. If you lack confidence now, then try building it by completing small goals (which you can enlarge as your confidence grows).
  9. Understands how to resolve conflict. It’s sad to admit it, but conflict is everywhere. You probably argue with your partner, and fall-out with colleagues at work. For happiness’ sake, develop conflict resolution skills. This can be as simple as knowing when to walk away from a confrontation.
  10. Has a courteous and good-mannered personality. In my experience, many people are unaware of how they come across to others. For example, they may appear arrogant and aloof when they are simply trying to show self-confidence. To be courteous and good-mannered is to return to a relaxed, natural state. Put any pretensions aside, and let your inner charm shine for all to see.
  11. Enjoys providing great service. Whether dealing with customers or colleagues, be sure to put great service at the heart of all your interactions. By doing this, you’ll increase your chances of success, and also boost your personal happiness. Try it and see.
  12. Can deal with the stress of difficult circumstances. You’ve just lost a job that you’ve dedicated the last 10 years of your life to. Do you crumble from the shock – or do you quickly pick yourself up and look for opportunities? Sure, there are difficult circumstances to deal with in life. Nevertheless, always focus on the positive, and refuse to be dragged down by negative thoughts and emotions.
  13. Is quick at making decisions. I remember reading a self-help book that stated: “Winners make decisions quickly, losers make them slowly.” There’s definitely something to this. If you take days and weeks making decisions, you’ll often find yourself left behind by those who make decisions quickly. (And also act on these decisions quickly.)
  14. Is 100% trustworthy. Trust is vitally important in life. We’re bombarded daily by news stories of people being mugged, cheated and even killed. These relentless stories seep into our subconscious, and make us wary of everyone we come into contact with. To help counteract this, you must be 100% trustworthy at all times. By doing this, you’ll quickly gain the confidence of others, and soon develop a reputation for being honest and reliable.
  15. Has an eagerness to learn. Where would we be without learning? From our birth to adulthood, we constantly learned new things. However, as we aged further, many of us stopped learning. To stay young, happy and satisfied, re-ignite your enthusiasm for learning.
  16. Knows when to delegate tasks. Are you someone who likes to do everything yourself? If yes, you may find that you often run out of time and energy. If you have family members or colleagues whom you’re able to delegate tasks to, then use this option when needed. However, for this to work successfully, be sure to match delegated tasks to individuals with the relevant skills.
  17. Communicates clearly and effectively. Communication is at the heart of all personal and business interactions. It’s critical that you learn how to write and speak well. And of course, communication is not a one-way street. You must also be a good listener.
  18. Is fired-up with an abundance of energy. Have you noticed how famous celebrities seem to be super-energetic? They are lively, vivacious and charismatic. If you have low energy levels, you’re unlikely to be attracting success. Try boosting your energy through healthy eating, exercise and meditation.
  19. Has great interpersonal relationship skills. Happy people know how to interact harmoniously with others. They are comfortable communicating with people from all backgrounds and walks of life. They also know how to partake in constructive conversations and meetings. The best way to learn interpersonal skills, is to listen and watch others who are naturally great at this skill.
  20. When needed, can follow instructions. You may want to always do your own thing, but to be successful in life, sometimes you need to follow directions and instructions from others. For example, your manager may usually let you do your work in your own way, but occasionally, he may need to give you specific instructions on completing a task.
  21. When needed, can think ‘outside of the box’. I definitely don’t remember this skill being taught at my school. However, being able to think beyond a set of specific rules, regulations or limits can be a very valuable skill. It’s often the way that ‘game-changing’ ideas first come into play.
  22. Has a warm, approachable and friendly personality. Without a friendly personality, you’re unlikely to find many new friends, or exciting opportunities. As an example, if two people with the exact same skills and experience applied for a job, but one was friendly and the other was not, who do you think would get the job?
  23. Knows how to tell compelling stories. Stories are the lifeblood of society. You may recall the bedtime stories that your parents read to you when you were a child. From there, you most likely became addicted to reading novels and watching movies. Storytelling is global and timeless. Everyone loves stories. To succeed in life, learn how to be a great storyteller.
  24. Is endowed with a super-positive mental attitude. Negativity will get you nowhere. Life has so many ups and downs, that if you focus on the negative, you’ll quickly lose sight of what’s possible. Positive people constantly seek out opportunities. For sure, be realistic. But also carry a super-positive mental attitude with you at all times.
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  25. Is highly-organized at all times. Do you class yourself as an organized person? If yes, do others also see you that way? Being highly-organized is not just desirable – it’s essential! Whether you want to climb the corporate ladder or write your first novel, being organized can make the difference between success and failure.
  26. Has persuasive powers. No, this isn’t some kind of superhero power! On the contrary, it’s an ability that many people have developed. Think of politicians and preachers. They have learned the art of communicating in a persuasive and convincing manner. Whatever your role in life, if you learn to communicate persuasively, you’ll likely go far.
  27. Is creative and innovative. Bill Gates, Michael Jackson and Elon Musk all excelled in their fields because they were creative and innovative. It allowed them to stand out from their competitors. You can do the same. Start by looking for ways to do things differently.
  28. Understands the power of non-verbal communications. If you’ve watched a nature program recently, you’ve likely seen how some animals communicate. For example, a wolf can control a cub just by using a specific look in its eyes. As for us humans… While we have the ability to speak, it’s estimated that 55% of our face-to-face communicationsactually takes place through body language.1 In other words, our body language is the primary factor in the effectiveness of our communications with others.
  29. Has fantastic planning and goal-setting abilities. Without goals, we are simply drifting with the tide. If you desire success and achievement, then make sure that you have specific goals – and a plan to reach them. If you’ve never tried goal-setting before, start small, and build your way up to bigger and bigger goals.
  30. Thrives on problem solving. Take a look around. Problems are everywhere! Luckily, if you develop a strong problem solving capability, you’ll soon find yourself in demand. Many people run from problems. So, this leaves plenty of opportunities and work for those who thrive on finding solutions to problems.
  31. Knows how to make other people laugh. Can you imagine if humor didn’t exist? We’d be stuck in a dreary, lifeless world where everything was serious. I’m sure with your friends and family you have a great sense of humor. However, how about at work, or when you meet strangers? In these situations, perhaps you retreat into your shell. Break free, and add humor to all of your interactions (where appropriate). Your popularity will soar, and your personal happiness will climb too.
  32. Is always punctual. Think about how frustrating it is when buses or trains are running late. It often leads to people becoming stressed or angry. You should see your own timekeeping in a similar light. If you’re constantly late for meetings, people may not tell you, but they’re likely to be angry or fed up with you. Timekeeping is about respect for others. So, please be punctual!
  33. Is a master at reading body language. As we’ve seen in point 28, body language counts for approximately 55% of all face-to-face communications. Of course, that percentage is just an average. An expert body language reader will be able to take even more information from someone – just by observing their body language. It’s a very useful skill to have, as sometimes body language contradicts what someone is saying with words.
  34. Loves researching. You don’t have to be a scientist to benefit from research. It may be something as simple as researching the best laptop to buy. Successful people typically love researching. But it’s not just random research. They’re driven to research by a want to reach a certain goal or aim.
  35. Values and respects others. This is a soft skill that unfortunately, seems to be going out of fashion at present. Too many people have become self-centered, and put their desires above the needs of other people. Please don’t fall into this trap. Instead, make sure you value and respect all those you come into contact with. Interestingly, by respecting others, you’ll find they respect you more in return.
  36. Knows how to ‘stay on task’. “Wait, I just need to check my Facebook page….” You know how it goes. You start doing something, but within minutes, you get distracted by other people or breaking news, etc. I’ll be honest with you, it’s very easy to be distracted and lose focus on the task at hand. One thing that might help, though: turn off your cell phone, to avoid being interrupted by calls or messages.
  37. Keeps up-to-date with trends. Stagnant people aren’t interested in keeping up with the latest trends. They’ve given up on life, and no longer care what the world may have to offer. Don’t be like these people. Instead, have a keen eye on trends in the workplace, technology and health, etc. You’ll be a more interesting person to talk to, and you’ll also be able to make better decisions about your future.
  38. Expertly manages their time. Time management is more than just arriving to work early. It’s about knowing how to prioritize tasks, when to take breaks, and being able to plan projects. Time management is a hugely important skill that you should definitely learn (if you haven’t already). It can make your life easier and more productive.
  39. Adapts quickly and easily to change. Heraclitus famously said: “The only thing that is constant is change.” Wise words. And in my experience, 100% accurate. Life is constantly evolving and changing, and if we pretend otherwise, we will find ourselves relentlessly unprepared. Happy and successful people know that life is forever changing. They’ve learned how to adapt quickly and easily to most changes that they encounter. You should do the same.
  40. Has learned the art of troubleshooting. The Cambridge Dictionary describes troubleshooting as follows: “Discovering why something does not work effectively and making suggestions about how to improve it.” Well said! This is a skill that you may need to work on. Firstly, you must find the motivation to really want to improve something. Once you have that, delve deep into the issue, and seek solutions.
  41. Understands the importance of being well-groomed. Imagine a lawyer turning up to court in a pair of faded blue jeans and a ripped T-Shirt. It’s likely the judge would have the lawyer removed from the courtroom! It’s an improbable scenario, but hopefully, it drives home the point that you must be appropriately dressed. Jeans and T-shirt are probably okay if you’re working for a Silicon Valley startup, but if you’re interviewing for a position at a local accountancy firm – you may want to stick to wearing a suit and tie.
  42. Strives for the ideal work-life balance. Happiness is not dependent on money. In fact, those who become obsessed with earning money, are often far from happy. As with most things in this world, balance is the key. Sure, you want to work hard and earn money. But just ensure that you leave enough time (and energy) to enjoy the rewards.
  43. Sees the best in others. If you’re honest with yourself, do you have this trait? Most of us don’t. However, it’s a fantastic skill to have. Seeing the best in others means that you can help them develop to the best of their potential. It also means that you can quickly build rapport and trust with other people.
  44. Knows the value of multi-tasking. If you work in an office environment, then you’re sure to recognize this scenario: You’re typing away at your computer, then your desk phone rings. You answer, but as you’re speaking to the caller, someone comes up to your desk and asks you a question. Situations like this can be overwhelming and frustrating. However, as they will always occur from time-to-time, you need to build a strategy of dealing with them. Multi-tasking can be taught, and I’d highly recommend that you learn to do it.
  45. Leads through example. Great leaders teach through example. They’re also willing to do any task that they may ask others to do. You can adopt this approach too. For example, instead of asking your team to work in a specific way, let them see how efficiently you work, and they’ll naturally want to copy that.
  46. Continually seeks to improve. The Japanese call this kaizen – the strategy of seeking continuous improvement. This could be about a business process, or the way an athlete prepares for a race. Whatever the circumstance, there’s almost certainly room to improve some part of the process. If you develop a mindset of constantly looking for ways to improve things, you’ll rapidly find yourself climbing the ladder of success.
  47. Is always persistent. Perseverance is another word for this. To reach the heights of success, you’ll definitely need to demonstrate this trait. Consider for a moment, that you’re attempting to start your first business. From an initial spark of inspiration, you’ll have hundreds of steps to complete before your business can be in operation. Any of these steps could be problematic, and without persistence your business may fail even before it gets through the starting gates.
  48. Can be patient when needed. Things don’t always go to plan, and delays can often creep into projects. Experienced professionals are well aware of this, and have developed patience to see themselves through these delays. You should do the same. Instead of getting frustrated and angry with delays, let patience work its magic. You’ll develop poise and calmness. And you can also use any downtime to work on other goals or projects.
  49. Keeps their emotions in check. In life, it’s normal to express emotions in certain circumstances (the death of a loved one, for example). However, if you’ve set your heart on success, then you’ll need to keep your emotions in check when you’re in ‘professional mode’. For instance, let’s say that your manager has just told you off for coming in a few minutes late to work. Your instinct might be to become angry, and argue with them. While this might make you feel good, it’s highly unlikely to help your chances of being promoted at work!
  50. Has a highly-developed sense of intuition. Many top business leaders admit to making some of their decisions based on ‘gut feeling’. In other words, they’ve developed their intuitive side to the point where they’re willing to trust its promptings. You can do the same. Tapping into your intuition can be boosted by: letting your subconscious work on a decision while you sleep, practicing meditation, or going for a walk in the park. These techniques allow your intuition to come to the surface. (Usually its hidden behind your constant mental chatter.)

As you can see, soft skills are an essential part of happiness and success. Develop the ones you already have, and adopt the ones you’re missing. Do this, and watch your happiness and success climb to new heights.

How to Avoid Deathbed Regrets with This Daily Practice

 

I think most of us will find that we fit into question number two. I know I did.

Until one day I asked myself some serious questions about where I was at in my life journey…

Is this really where I see myself 20 years from now? Do I still feel fulfilled? Am I the person I spent my whole life wanting to be?

No.

Just like that, my entire life changed.

Asking myself questions like these changed the way I perceived myself. I wired my thought process to seek change and drive ambition.

Being confident in your decisions and in your capabilities can play a huge part in avoiding self-doubt and regret. I was already regretting not pursuing my ambitions earlier. At least I finally asked myself the question I needed to, affirmed who I was, where I wanted to be, and acted.

This is how I practice self-affirmation.

However, learning how to stay aligned with your dreams and goals while staying confident can be a serious struggle.

Most of us will be plagued with regrets throughout our life; however, learning how to develop self-affirmation can go a long way in making decisions and living the fulfilling life that isn’t plagued with self-doubt.

What is self-affirmation?

In its simplest form, it is the act of having a positive attitude toward yourself. It is valuing who you are and believing you have a purpose. It’s being confident in you.

However, identifying and practicing self-affirmation can be much more difficult than it sounds.

Thankfully, a few simple questions can help guide us in the right direction and help affirm that we are working towards the life that we have always wanted for ourselves. This means reducing the regrets we may have 20 years down the road.

What questions should we ask ourselves daily?

  • Am I happy?
  • Am I excited for life?
  • Is this the life I envisioned for myself?
  • Am I making decisions today that will positively impact my life tomorrow?
  • Is my daily routine allowing me to cross of my “bucket list” items (throughout the long term)?
  • Is today a step that helps me towards the goals that I want to pursue?
  • Am I making the most of opportunities?
  • Am I proud of where I’m at in life?
  • Has today made me feel fulfilled?

Now, I’m not suggesting you need to ask yourself each one of these questions every day. However, taking time every day to evaluate how you feel by choosing a few of these questions can help keep your brain be “trained” to think positively. Doing this daily can wire your thought process towards ambition and fulfillment. It helps keep you focused on who you want to be. It allows you to think positively about yourself and your aspirations.

Out of all of those questions, I recommend asking yourself if you are feeling fulfilled every day. Fulfilment can go a long in self-confidence and optimism.

As for asking yourself some of these questions daily, are you confident in your answers? Are you living up to your potential?

If you are not, maybe it is time to start reavaluating somethings.

What did my affirmation questions result in? Me quitting my job, finally pursing my dreams, and trying this adventure through self-affirmation.

Give it a try, you might be surprised where it will lead you.

 

 

Source :- Life hack 

Life is like a cup of coffee.

 

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups!

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. 


Live simply. 
Love generously. 
Care deeply. 
Speak kindly. 

~Unknown

How To Crush Negativity And Achieve Success

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves when we think about our flaws or shortcomings and let’s face it we are all perfectly imperfect.

If you find yourself stuck in some struggle in life that you know can be solved but you just don’t know where to begin.

If you fear the consequences of getting it wrong, because after all, you’ve got it wrong before.

If you’ve lost faith in yourself, remember this: you will find talent, you will find genius you will find grit, wherever you look for it.

Don’t allow negativity to crush your dreams.

Don’t doubt your potential.

Don’t compare yourself to those who you think are doing much better at life than you.

There’s always someone who can do something better than we can, don’t allow it to distort the view you have of yourself.

It’s time to practice a little self-compassion.

1. Speak kindly

We know cars that aren’t maintained eventually become wrecks and homes that aren’t taken care of become run down, and the same is true of you. Maintain kind thoughts and loving feelings towards yourself.

Words have the power to build you up or tear you down.

Stop allowing the critical voice in your mind to control your life.  As you keep your mind focused on peace and harmony you quiet your inner critic.

Give yourself permission to ignore the voice in your head when it’s not speaking kindly. Give yourself permission to defy your inner critic and dream big, risk new ways of living, go after what you want, and become unstoppable.

Remember your thoughts are always trying to manifest themselves so the next time negativity speaks, reframe what it has to say.

When you hear it can’t be done, at least not by you. Remind yourself it’s just the inner critic wanting control. Think back to when something went well and acknowledge yourself for that.

I recently did something that didn’t please that inner critic one little bit.

I ate every piece of Cadbury’s chocolate in the house, setting off that whispering voice in my mind, making it plain that I should be feeling embarrassed and pretty pathetic, so naturally, I did…briefly.  Then I reframed the conversation with myself.

  “So you had a lapse in judgement. So it didn’t feel that great afterwards. So it wasn’t one of your best moments. So what!  Big deal!”  I didn’t habitually scoff every piece of chocolate in sight…the world didn’t come tumbling down. It was all okay and suddenly the inner critic lost its power.

If you’ve had lapses in judgement lately, don’t waste another minute in regret.   Whatever you did is done.   We all do stuff we really wished we hadn’t.   Everybody messes up and you forgive others all the time.  Don’t forget to forgive yourself. 

Keep speaking kindly to yourself; you as much as anyone else deserve a little loving kindness.

2. Reinvent your universe

How daring are you?

Have you allowed mental blocks to control your relationships, your career, your health and peace, your finances? 

What do you dare to believe about yourself?

If you knew, really knew, that your world was shaped by the way you see yourself, and by the beliefs you currently hold, what would you choose to accept about who you are?

If you knew that by changing the inner attitudes you had towards your self you could change the outer experiences in your world, what would you choose?

Reinvent your universe. Begin to believe nothing is impossible for you. And remind yourself of this daily and I mean daily, once every now and then won’t cut it…believe me, I’ve tried that and it honestly doesn’t work.

Acknowledge how strong you are. After all you’ve come this far, you’ve climbed many mountains and overcome all kinds of obstacles and you’re still standing.

Once you choose to see yourself in a new light, you stop worrying about all the things you can’t do and start dreaming about all the things you can.

Waste no more time wondering what a great life could be. Live one.

3. Forget mastery

Think commitment. 

Are you willing to take the time each day and use it in ways that most of us won’t, in order to live the kind of life that most of us never will?

Needing to be a master of all you do creates stress, decreases motivation and makes you less likely to be happy about who you are and what you’re doing.

Think getting better. 

Excellence is reachable, perfection not so much.

Let go of the mirage of perfection and it will no longer weigh you down.

Incredible change is possible when you choose getting-better goals and accept that the only mastery required is of right thinking.  If you want to change your whole world begin with one or two positive thoughts a day.

Pay attention to the flow of thoughts you have and you’ll find, as you focus your mind on being successful by getting better at something, you’ve taken your first step towards a new, more fulfilling life.

You’re aligning yourself with the energies of abundance and you get to experience more well being, a sense of  satisfaction and even more success. It’s one of the lovely things about life.

Don’t make it harder than it need be…crush negativity as soon as you become aware of it, simply by replacing it with something more positive.

4. Spiritually speaking

Changing the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel will change your destiny. Be wise by choosing more positive thoughts and replace old negative beliefs as you become aware of them.

Your inner consciousness is a powerful force and it’s the main reason for your success or failure. And although a single thought hasn’t much power, through persistence and repetition it’s force is magnified and then it can be manifested more easily.

The happiest people feed their mind, their consciousness, with things that are lovely, that are a delight to the soul.

In fact happy people rarely allow negativity to have too much power. They never stop feeling something great is about to happen. They’re smiling at life and life smiles right back.

I hope you can follow in their footsteps.

Stop waiting for things to happen, start creating.  Remember your consciousness creates your reality and you direct your consciousness.

Never stop believing in yourself. 

As always I appreciate you being here and would love your take on crushing that inner negativity and achieving greater success and happiness.  Why not make a difference to someone in the Live Purposefully Now family and leave your ideas and wisdom in the comments below. It’s always great to hear from you.

Feel free to share this article and remember…

Encourage one another.

6 Things To Bear In Mind When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

Every battle is won before it’s ever fought. ~ Sun Tzu

Have you noticed that some people seem to have it all together?

It looks as though they took all the right paths, won the gold prize and every decision they make is leading them to some future great destiny.

But somehow, this isn’t happening for you. 

Don’t feel bad about it. There is something you can do other than continuing to live a tentative, hesitant life.

If you don’t like the results you’re getting, if you simply don’t feel good enough and everything’s going wrong, remember every morning, when you wake up, you get another chance to make things right.

You deserve to live a life where worry isn’t your constant companion. A life where even if some people are critical and less than kind it’s not going to bother you because you understand that you, and only you, control the way you feel.

When you’re not feeling good enough, if your energy has tanked and things aren’t working out, you’re not alone. Fear and insecurity plague even the most successful among us. If you’re ready to set yourself free from things that hamper you and stop you from reaching your true potential bear these things in mind:

1.Perfectionism causes paralysis

Life can be messy and complicated and scary and whilst others might seem to be free of the doubts and fears and worries that you have…they’re really not.

Whether they’re entrepreneurs, writers, musicians or anything else, they have the same doubts and insecurities as you.

When you’re feeling not good enough, the best thing you can do is learn to relax and treat yourself like a human being put on this planet to thrive and enjoy living.  

Bear in mind, success is seen on the outside, but created on the inside. Never undervalue who you are and the power to succeed that lives within.

Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in ‘perfection paralysis’. No one is looking for perfection they’re looking for value. And the best value you can offer is you. Authentically wonderful, messy, scared, imperfectly perfect you.

2.You’re a natural

When you look at yourself can you see a natural? Someone who accomplishes goals easily?

You should.

From the day you were born you began to accomplish goals. You learned to sit up, to walk, to talk and do all kinds of things that became an unconscious part of your daily life.

Nothing’s changed.

Except the way you see yourself.  Stop looking at all the problems in life or the difficulties you face. Stop wondering if you’re good enough, if you have enough to offer.

You do.

Help yourself by putting your mental energy to better use.

Remember  your past accomplishments, the successes and events that brought joy and happiness into your life.  You’ll begin to notice more and more opportunities surrounding you.

Pay more attention to the positive circumstances in life and do what many successful people do…keep a win list. Record your accomplishments, big and small and read them often.

3.Release yourself from the prison of not feeling good enough

No-one can fix your life. No-one can take away your pain and heartache. No-one can improve anything in your life. Only you.

Only you can choose to change what needs to be changed. Only you can decide to do and be the very best you possible. Only you can choose to think positively and move towards your best life. Only you can choose to say’ I’m going to stop telling myself the same old stories that keep me locked in the same old prison’.

Don’t let yourself be persuaded that you’re not good enough and you don’t have what it takes. Ignore the chattering of those who would hold you back. You can develop the will and determinedly focus on your objective until you reach your goal.

You have an awesome power that will get you through every challenge that life throws your way. The power to choose.

4.Make good use of tiny choices

Your destiny doesn’t lie in the stars. It’s not out there. It’s in you. Don’t wait for it to arrive, you’re in charge of your future.

Your destiny lies in your willingness to persist, in every little choice you make, in every step you take.

Remember it’s not what you do every now and then that makes the difference, it’s what you do every day. One tiny choice today might not make a big difference to your tomorrow, but one tiny choice every day for a year can change your life.

If you were to choose an apple over a chocolate bar every day for a year…you’d  see the difference. If you were to choose one little act of organization over procrastination every day for a year…you’d see the difference.

No matter what happens each day, no matter how far away your success seems, never stop expecting, never stop believing that you will make it.

5.Superman isn’t real

The most successful among us aren’t super heroes, donning their capes and dashing off to their next successful mission. They’re human beings like you and me with misgivings and doubts and frailties. And failures. Many, many failures.

Don’t let your misgivings transform you into something less than you are. Don’t let your fear of failure get in the way of your passion for life.

You might not be able to do the same things as someone else, because you’re gifted in a unique, special way.  You have a deep reservoir of talents and abilities and your job is to discover your own special light and manifest your potential, not be a pale imitation of others.

Never let insecurity run your life. Extend as much love, kindness and care to you as you would to others else. You, as much as anyone deserve to live a life of happiness and fulfillment.

The world be a sadder place if the only birds that sang were the ones with the loudest voice.

 6.Spiritually speaking

We forget we live in two worlds simultaneously, the inner world of thoughts and feelings and the outer physical world, so we invest the outer world with an authority it does not have. 

Stop paying attention to what’s happened in the past.  Your present circumstances have absolutely no power other than that which you give them. 

Remember, ‘Every battle is won before it’s ever fought.’  Feeling you’re not good enough doesn’t mean it’s true. Don’t short change yourself with thoughts about who you’re not. A strong, positive mental attitude can create miracles.

Your life is about breaking out of your limited ideas and developing your gifts and talents to live YOUR greatest life. You can reignite your fire and joy for living any time you decide to do so, because every time you don’t feel good enough, you give your power and passion away.

Reclaim it and you’ll discover you’re more than just good enough. You’re awesome.

 

Encourage one another.

 

P.S. If you find this week’s post encouraging or motivating, please forward it to a friend, colleague or client you think it could help. There’s always someone who needs that little extra love and support.

 

Source This One

New Rules: How To Deal With Stress And Anxiety

You want to be happy.

Love-life blooming, work swinging merrily along, money in the bank and all well in your world.

But here you are with a broken heart, bills that don’t stop coming, not enough hours in your day and work demands that are relentless.

It feels like you don’t have a chance in hell of living the life you used to imagine living when you were more carefree and optimistic.

It’s no wonder the twin monsters of stress and anxiety are stealing your peace and joy.

Yes, there are days when things seem to be coming together, but it’s not often enough to make a difference to that underlying anxiety, and somehow you never seem to grasp the magic formula that worked for that one day when everything went your way.

If you can relate to any of this, and I know there are times when I can…you don’t have to splurge on the latest expensive workshop for anxiety or managing stress. 

You have a lot more control than you think.  All you need is a little context, a little shift and some new rules.

1. Build a cathedral

Three masons were chipping chunks of granite.

The first mason, who wasn’t very happy as he chipped away was asked what he was doing. “I’m cutting stone and I hate it.  I can’t wait till it’s time to go home.”

The second mason when asked the same question responded, “I’m hammering away at this block of rock so I can make enough money to buy food for my belly.”

The third mason, pounding away fervently at the granite and taking steps back every now and then to make sure it was the best he could do,  when questioned about his work, stopped looked towards the sky and proudly proclaimed “I’m building a cathedral.”

Three men, different contexts, all doing the same work.

Be a proud cathedral builder in life. Stop every now and then and check that you’re doing your best. And whether you’ve just begun or are halfway towards your goal, be proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.

2. Manage yourself, not your anxiety or stress

Stress and anxiety happen not because of the nature of your work, or your life experiences. They happen because you aren’t managing yourself.

The CEO will complain of stress as will the junior executive, the assistant or the janitor.  And for all of them, if they lost their job…they’d still complain about feeling anxious or stressed.

So it’s not the job.

They aren’t managing their bodies, emotions and life energy in the best way.

Stress happens because we have an inability to manage ourselves.  We aren’t managing our thoughts and feelings, our imagination, or our perspective.  

3. Stop accidental functioning

When you function by accident, not by design everything can cause stress and anxiety. 

If you were in a car and turned the steering wheel in one direction, but the car took off in another, you’d be somewhat anxious. Right? 

And yet here you are, with the most incredible system ever created…YOU…and you have this gigantic problem. 

You are blundering accidentally through life, because you have no control over the most basic of your systems, your mind.

It changes direction every few minutes, because there’s no driver behind the wheel. So should you be lucky enough to arrive at your desired destination it’s totally by chance.

Don’t do this to yourself.

Organize your mind to be focused on the direction of your goals, and aim towards your destiny. Use your most amazing system purposefully and almost anything you wish will happen.

4. Content versus context

If the Dean of a College, or someone else in authority began to dictate what clothes you should wear, what you should eat for breakfast, or that you had to be in bed before 10pm each evening, no doubt you’d react pretty badly.

You’d probably kick up a real fuss and claim suppression of your rights. You might even claim you were being totally disenfranchised.

But when someone outside of you determines how you should feel inside according to the actions they take, or some event or experience does the same, this is disenfranchisement of the most toxic kind.

All done with your willing support.

So stress essentially is caused by our inability to manage our inner situation and our willingness to allow everyone and everything to have an impact on how we think, feel and act.

If you want the quality of your life to change and transform it won’t be because you changed the content of your life, just the context.

Those who life the most joyful lives are not experiencing less challenges than you, but their lives are more magical and beautiful because the context within which they live is different.

They have taken back control of their inner energies and no longer allow other people, or outer events, to put a dent in what has always been an inside job…true and lasting happiness.

5. Final thought

Stress doesn’t need to be managed.  If we managed ourselves it wouldn’t be an issue.

 

Encourage one another.

Love Elle

Source https://livepurposefullynow.com/dump-stress-and-anxiety/

4 Essential Tools To Stop Caring What Other People Think About You

 

 

I’d like to ask you a couple of simple questions.

What if you could stop caring what other people think about you?

What difference would that make in your world?

Sometimes caring what others think seeps into every area of our life and it has a bigger impact on us than we might think. 

Far too many of us do things, or don’t do things, because we care what other people think. 

Our lives aren’t really our own. We’re not always doing things because we believe in them, but because it’s expected, based on how we think other people see us.

“What would my colleagues think if I voiced my opinion and it was different from theirs?”

“Do these pants make my bum look big?”

“If I change direction at school, in my career, in my life what would those closest to me think or have to say?”

What kind of life do we live when it’s mainly dictated by what other people think?

Especially when you consider life is so short that you don’t have time to live someone else’s life AND do the one thing that makes you unique.

Imagine the possibilities of treasuring your uniqueness. Of never sacrificing who you are or who you want to become because someone else has a different perspective of you.

It’s time to love who you are both within and without as you move forward in life and stop caring what other people think about you.

Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone else has a problem with it.

 Instead, learn to love who you are inside and out as you forge ahead to your future.

And here’s 4 essential tools you can use to stop tiptoeing through life because the one thing you want most in the world doesn’t stand a chance unless you give it one.

1. A mental hammer

To hit your need for external validation on the head

The ultimate goal is to create your own reality, not allow the opinions of others to determine who you are and what you want.  Losing yourself in the opinions of others is easy but it makes it much harder to find yourself again.

So stop caring what others think about you and invest time instead in becoming conscious of where the power of the thinking of others plays out in your life. Then you can decide on a new response.

Don’t allow a thought in your head or an emotion in your heart to determine the nature of your life experiences.  It’s time to knock the idea that you need external validation on the head.

You don’t.  You never did.  No-one has the power to decide who you are or what you want unless you hand it over to them.

Value yourself.

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2. A magnifying glass

To focus your attention on what matters to YOU!

There’s always someone who won’t understand what you’re trying to say. Always someone who will misinterpret your words.  You have no control over them.

This only matters as much as you think it does.

What matters more is how you see yourself and your life.

Don’t second guess the decisions you make.  Stay true to your core values and be happy that what you’re doing feels right.

If you’re not sure what your are values are. Ask yourself a few questions.

What excites me most in or about life?

What annoys me most in or about life?

If you could share 3 things with others about what excites you most what would you teach?

For instance, I would pick personal and spiritual development as the thing that excites me most about life.  And would choose to share how important this is for the foundation of living the life we want. That it’s the process of the ever expanding potential within us all.

What would you choose?

It may seem simplistic but focusing your attention on deciding what is really important to you prevents others from making that choice for you. Your mind is busy doing what you want it to do and doesn’t have time to care what others think of you!

3. A pocket full of Fertilizer

To grow yourself

A big part of not caring what others think is being comfortable with who you are.  This is hard when other people’s opinions are the deciding factor.

Nobody said it better than  Anais Nin “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Not everyone will see you in your true light. Not everyone will look beyond the mistakes and false starts and when you care too much about what others think you too can’t see your true light.

The truth is that to grow ourselves we have to change. And we change by learning.  Throw yourself into life wholeheartedly, treasuring the uniqueness that is you.

Learning how to spread your wings and fly means stepping outside of your comfort zone.  You and I might be products of our past, but we don’t need to be confined by it.

Be the one you were meant to be.

4. A spotlight

To shine a light on your passion and enthusiasm

The most fundamental responsibility you have is to be joyously happy.  If you are not happy, what will you do with your life?

It doesn’t matter whether your ultimate goal is business success, financial success, greater education or being of service.  You are doing this because deep within is a belief that this will bring you happiness.

Every action, every desire we have springs from the belief that it will make us happy, because this is the nature of who we are.

A couple of days ago I sat in the dentist’s office and listened to his unbridled enthusiasm for something he had ordered that was going to change the way he took care of his patients.  It was a machine, as I understood it with my limited knowledge of dentistry, that allowed him to create his own crowns.  No more waiting weeks for some outside laboratory.

He was like a kid in a candy store.  Totally enthralled and blissed out.   He was filled with passion and enthusiasm and willingly accepted the hours of training he would need.  He could hardly wait.

It was awesome to be connected to this passion and enthusiasm. It lit every fibre of his being and spilled over on to the rest of us.

He could care less what everyone else thought.  To him it was exciting and innovating and he was fired up.

Turn the spotlight onto what lights your spark of enthusiasm and passion and your involvement with them will raise you to a new dimension of experiencing life.

No longer will you be held captive by caring what others think.

5. Final thoughts

It might be hard to go after what you want because you’re so used to caring what other people think about you and that’s okay.

It’s okay to feel stuck.

It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.

This is about how you want to feel on a daily basis and it’s a paradox of life that just when you no longer need the validation of others is the time you’ll get it.  Life can be mysterious!

All you need to do is the best you can in the place where you are because life is calling and you must move towards it with as much passion and enthusiasm as you can muster.  This is the basis of living a fulfilled life.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle

Why You Need to End That Toxic Relationship Today

It’s been dragging on for far too long. One of you is content, the other is miserable.  The latter is you. You’re not sure how much more of this pretend life you can live. This relationship was over a long time ago. Your partner thinks life is grand. Work, home, eat, watch TV, go to bed, maybe have sex, maybe not. Who cares? They don’t. You walk around like an emotionally void zombie, smiling on demand. Playing happy wife (husband) when you have to. When does it end? Can it? Will it? Should it? Read on to find out what happens when you finally end that toxic relationship.

 

Many of us stay in loveless relationships because leaving is hard and scary.

I was that person. The unhappy one. I stayed for many reasons.

  • I had nothing else
  • I had nowhere else to go
  • I convinced myself it wasn’t that bad (others had it WAY worse than me!)
  • I’m just being ungrateful for everything I do have
  • How is he going to be able to live without me

Things were bound to get better

Oh I had a list of reasons longer than my arm as to why I should stay. I fought to hold on for longer than I should have because I was sure things were going to get better. We had a fight, we talked about it after, he said sorry. “Babe I love you, sorry, it’s just that….” <insert excuse of the week. After a really bad fight I’d have to write out an email or letter so he would really get it. Pour out my soul. But he always said sorry and I love you. That means things can only get better, right? I held onto hope.  I mean, they couldn’t get worse, could they?

It’s time

Then one day, it was just time. I couldn’t do it any more. It was building up. 6 months of build up. Actually it was longer, maybe 2 years of build up. By the time I was ready to leave, time meant nothing. It didn’t matter how long I’ve been enduring this life. All that mattered was that I was finally leaving it. A life of turmoil, insecurities, lies, volatile love and charades was coming to an end. I didn’t know what was going to be on the other side of this life for me. I was scared out of my fucking tree. That’s what I knew for sure.

Fear will freeze you and make you question your actions.

But I knew it was gonna be scary. It was time to face fear head on and just push. This relationship had to end. There was nothing left in it for me. It was pure poison. There was love. Some love. But too little, and certainly not enough to hang on to any more. He had some good, just not for me.

Much to my surprise….

And then I did it. I packed my stuff, what little I had, and left. I knew there wasn’t going to be any turning back, ever. And I felt this huge wave of relief wash over me. It was like a tsunami, really. Like a tsunami of emotions. I was sad, I was happy, I was angry, I was so fucking mad at him. Why couldn’t he change to suit me? Why couldn’t this work? Why did it have to be like this? I had nothing. Inside or out. I was empty, broke and had nothing to my name. No wait, I had two things, really..

Pride and self confidence take a huge step forward to cheer you on.

And then something else happened. Life opened up for me. Freedom. A freedom I have never known in my whole life. A freedom that called my name, loudly. It wasn’t just a whisper any more. Freedom was yelling at the top of its lungs.  “Iva, it’s about fucking time!” And I embraced life like I never have, ever before. And life was beautiful. And so was I. I wasn’t all those things I had been told for so many years. I was better than all that and I was about to prove all that to myself.

It’s all about me now

I get to do things I’ve always wanted to do and never did, right down to eating cereal for dinner and staying up late and sleeping in on the weekends. I also got to find out who I am. Who I really am. What my purpose and my passion is.  I answer to myself only, and God. I do the best I can with what I have and my best is to help mankind.

Spread love and joy and peace and happiness. That’s what life really is all about.

Bartender, please salt the rim and top it with a slice of lime.

 

Source http://amazingmemovement.com/end-that-toxic-relationship-now/?c=ACR

10 Clear Signs it Was Time For Me to Wake the Fuck Up.

Have I really been sleeping for all these years? Probably. I mean, maybe not in a complete life coma but pretty close.  I sit here and type this and realize my whole life is a haze, a blur.  All 53 years of it. What on earth have I been doing all this time? But most importantly, why did it take me this long to wake up.

I used to remember hearing people say life begins at 50 and wondered what that meant. I totally get it now. Life really does begin at 50. I went through a whole lotta shit (and good stuff too!!) for the first 50 years of my life. It was colourful to say the least.  And honest to God, I hit 50 and my first thought was “what the fuck am I doing?” It was time to wake up.  I took inventory of my life and these things flashed by. Signs that it was time to wake up.

 
  1. You’re probably more than halfway through life. This was a big one for me. Omg. More than half of my life is gone. What have I been doing? Well, living actually, but more like learning and preparing me for the next half of my life, I like to think anyway.
  2. There are so many more things I want to do. Travel, write books, speak in public. I had a list as long as my arm and I hadn’t even knocked off a fraction of it. I had to get cracking at that.
  3. I have a purpose and I need to start living it.I wasn’t born to just pay bills and die. No no no, not this girl. Not any of us really, but that’s how we live. We wake up, go to work, pay bills and die. We have so much more to do than that. You know that.
  4. I was stuck and frustrated. I felt this anxiety inside of me that kept poking at me. Almost wanting to scream at me, “hey lady, wake up!! You got shit to do. What on earth are you waiting for”?
  5. I was tired of just existing. I wanted to live. There’s a life to live and I was just existing. There was a life buried in my dream of dreams and I needed to unleash it. Live it, see it, taste it, feel it. It was dying to get out.
  6. There’s a free spirit inside that needs to be freed. I could feel her. Why was I keeping her locked up inside? A spirit inside of me that was crying, I could almost hear her moaning in anguish, wanting to be freed. I had to let her escape and live.
  7. The world needs me. I don’t mean this in an egotistical way. I mean the world is in desperate need of healers, lovers and kind people and I was one of them. Why was I not sharing all that with the world? The world needs me.
  8. I don’t want to die with regrets. I can’t and won’t be 80 years old, lying in my death bed and thinking “damn I wish I would have….”. I don’t want to be that person. I refuse to be that person.
  9. You only get one shot. This is it.Life is not a dress rehearsal. You’re not going to get another chance to do shit if you didn’t do it while you were alive.  Iva, what on earth are you waiting for? Stop pretending and practising. Get out and live.
  10. Being happy is my birthright and it’s time to start being. Happiness has been inside of me all this time, also screaming to get out and be released and experienced. I had been miserable for many many years.It was time to be happy. The time was now.I did whatever I felt I had to do to get to that place of happiness and man, it was worth it.

So much inside of me woke up. There were people to see and love, joy to share, love to spread, smiles to see and a beautiful life to live. At 50 years old, it was time to do it. It was finally time to wake up and I have never been happier in my life, ever. (ok well maybe except the day my kid was born)

Hey you, it’s time to wake the fuck up.

Peace and Love

Iva

source http://amazingmemovement.com/10-signs-its-time-to-wake-up-and-live/?c=ACR

16 Quotes To Help You Let Go Of The Past

 

 

Do you often find your past dragging you down, holding you back, and preventing you from moving forward along your path in life? If so, this collection of quotes should be of some help.

Read them, re-read them, and absorb their lessons. Write them on post-it notes and stick them around your home; create a little book of quotes and read some upon waking up and before going to bed; do anything that reminds you daily of the importance of letting go.

 

You can’t possibly embrace that new relationship, that new companion, that new career, that new friendship, or that new life you want, while you’re still holding on to the baggage of the last one. Let go… and allow yourself to embrace what is waiting for you right at your feet.– Steve Maraboli

 

Be simple, don’t carry the baggage of the past, open your hands, and let it go.– Debasish Mridha

It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place.– Angelina Jolie

Letting go is the willingness to change your beliefs in order to bring more peace and joy into your life instead of holding onto beliefs that bring pain and suffering.– Hal Tipper

If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.– C. JoyBell C.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.– Lao Tzu

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.– Ann Landers

Before you can live, a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time, or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth, then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.– Shannon L. Alder

I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.– Fridtjof Nansen

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.– Paulo Coelho

Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you’ll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival.– Osho

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.– Daphne Rose Kingma

I eventually came to understand that in harboring the anger, the bitterness and resentment towards those that had hurt me, I was giving the reins of control over to them. Forgiving was not about accepting their words and deeds. Forgiving was about letting go and moving on with my life. In doing so, I had finally set myself free.– Isabel Lopez

It is not the actions of others which trouble us (for those actions are controlled by their governing part), but rather it is our own judgments. Therefore remove those judgments and resolve to let go of your anger, and it will already be gone. How do you let go? By realizing that such actions are not shameful to you.– Marcus Aurelius

Letting go may sound so simple, but rarely is it a one-time thing. Just keep letting go, until one day it’s gone for good.– Eleanor Brownn

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.– Melody Beattie

For these quotes – and others like them – to be an effective tool for creating change within you, try to remind yourself of them as often as possible. If you do nothing else, bookmark this page so that you can return to it often.

Which of these quotes had the greatest impact on you when reading it? Leave a comment below and let us know which is your favorite.

 

from https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3692/16-quotes-help-let-go-baggage-free/?c=ACR