If You Want To Be Genuinely Happy, Try Losing Things

The idea that possessions make us happy is an illusion. Putting all our happiness into things and even people or past experiences is ultimately allowing us to cultivate a notion that happiness doesn’t come from within — that it’s reliant on outside circumstances and objects. We put so much emphasis on what our possessions mean to us that we conclude, that having these things in our life must be what’s bringing us happiness. However, what if we just let things go? Whether it’s a person or a possession, letting go can feel painful and we often wonder how can pain possibly bring happiness? Our mind tends to focus on the illogical aspect of this but in essence, letting go of things will lead us to live much more happy and fulfilling lives. Let Go of the Idea That Happiness Is Contained In Your Current Possessions This is a huge misconception. Whether it’s that pair of shoes, the car, the latest smartphone, or the person we’ve been longing after — our mind believes that our lives will get better and we’ll be happier only when these things enter into our lives. And yes, they might make us feel excitement and joy for a short while but our ability to adapt to our environments and what’s in it causes us to get bored easily and move on to the next thing that’ll bring us happiness again. Even in relationships, we believe a certain person will make us happy but sometimes you find out they just don’t. So it’s important to let go of the idea that happiness can be found by external means. If you let go of this idea you will come to realize that nothing around you contributes to your happiness other than inside yourself. Let Go of What You Can’t Control Trying to control situations around us to make us happy will only end in unhappiness. Sometimes it’s better to just let go of what you can’t control and let it play out the way that it is meant to. Fighting too hard and obsessing over things will only bring frustration — trying to change something that’s fixed will take away your happiness in the long run so it’s important to let it go. Ultimately, you need to go with the flow to reap the benefits of feeling happy. Happiness can be found in getting what you were resisting. Our mind has a habit of fixating on a particular way we can achieve our happiness and ignores or makes assumptions about other paths and avenues. But it’s these paths that could lead you to where you want to be. By releasing control on things and letting go you can learn how to be happy in a whole different way than you were expecting. Let Go of Your Past Possessions You feel you’re due a sort out but you can’t quite let go of that dress that reminds you of a great holiday you had – despite not having worn it since 2007? Or an old picture that’s collecting dust in the attic because it reminds you of your last house? By holding on to our possessions, we are holding on to the past. While it’s nice to have keepsakes, holding on to too much stuff can stop us from moving forward more than we think. Literally making room in our closets and cupboards, frees up space in our minds too and this can do wonders for our happiness. Yes, it’s hard to throw that item in the bin or hand it over to the charity shop but it’s never as painful as we imagine afterwards. Let Go of The People Who Don’t Serve Your Present Sometimes we have people in our lives that dampen our happiness. While it can be difficult to let go of friends and past loves, it is paramount to our own happiness to step aside and let these people go. Holding on to painful memories or constantly exposing our thoughts and minds to potentially toxic people will only hinder our happiness. It’s also important to let go of the idea of a person. Past loves and relationships can have a habit of lingering in our minds where we start to forget the reasons why they didn’t work out. Equally, we build up the idea of people we lust after and place them up on that pedestal so we need to let go of this because it’s not really reality. Letting go relieves the pressure we put on ourselves and others that could be getting in the way of us achieving the happiness we deserve. Pain, More Often Than Not, Leads To Happiness The whole concept of letting go is painful to us. It must be, otherwise why would it be so hard to do? We are certain that the things and people around us contribute immensely to our happiness when, in fact in a lot of cases, this isn’t true. Sometimes we need to go through painful processes to reach our happiness — it’s how we evaluate and appreciate what we need to make us happy and frees up necessary space for new and exciting experiences, thoughts, and beliefs to enter and help us understand how to be happy — truly and genuinely happy.

 

The idea that possessions make us happy is an illusion. Putting all our happiness into things and even people or past experiences is ultimately allowing us to cultivate a notion that happiness doesn’t come from within — that it’s reliant on outside circumstances and objects.

We put so much emphasis on what our possessions mean to us that we conclude, that having these things in our life must be what’s bringing us happiness. However, what if we just let things go? Whether it’s a person or a possession, letting go can feel painful and we often wonder how can pain possibly bring happiness? Our mind tends to focus on the illogical aspect of this but in essence, letting go of things will lead us to live much more happy and fulfilling lives.

Let Go of the Idea That Happiness Is Contained In Your Current Possessions

This is a huge misconception. Whether it’s that pair of shoes, the car, the latest smartphone, or the person we’ve been longing after — our mind believes that our lives will get better and we’ll be happier only when these things enter into our lives. And yes, they might make us feel excitement and joy for a short while but our ability to adapt to our environments and what’s in it causes us to get bored easily and move on to the next thing that’ll bring us happiness again.

Even in relationships, we believe a certain person will make us happy but sometimes you find out they just don’t. So it’s important to let go of the idea that happiness can be found by external means. If you let go of this idea you will come to realize that nothing around you contributes to your happiness other than inside yourself.

Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Trying to control situations around us to make us happy will only end in unhappiness. Sometimes it’s better to just let go of what you can’t control and let it play out the way that it is meant to. Fighting too hard and obsessing over things will only bring frustration — trying to change something that’s fixed will take away your happiness in the long run so it’s important to let it go. Ultimately, you need to go with the flow to reap the benefits of feeling happy.

Happiness can be found in getting what you were resisting. Our mind has a habit of fixating on a particular way we can achieve our happiness and ignores or makes assumptions about other paths and avenues. But it’s these paths that could lead you to where you want to be. By releasing control on things and letting go you can learn how to be happy in a whole different way than you were expecting.

Let Go of Your Past Possessions

You feel you’re due a sort out but you can’t quite let go of that dress that reminds you of a great holiday you had – despite not having worn it since 2007? Or an old picture that’s collecting dust in the attic because it reminds you of your last house? By holding on to our possessions, we are holding on to the past. While it’s nice to have keepsakes, holding on to too much stuff can stop us from moving forward more than we think. Literally making room in our closets and cupboards, frees up space in our minds too and this can do wonders for our happiness. Yes, it’s hard to throw that item in the bin or hand it over to the charity shop but it’s never as painful as we imagine afterwards.

Let Go of The People Who Don’t Serve Your Present

Sometimes we have people in our lives that dampen our happiness. While it can be difficult to let go of friends and past loves, it is paramount to our own happiness to step aside and let these people go. Holding on to painful memories or constantly exposing our thoughts and minds to potentially toxic people will only hinder our happiness.

It’s also important to let go of the idea of a person. Past loves and relationships can have a habit of lingering in our minds where we start to forget the reasons why they didn’t work out. Equally, we build up the idea of people we lust after and place them up on that pedestal so we need to let go of this because it’s not really reality. Letting go relieves the pressure we put on ourselves and others that could be getting in the way of us achieving the happiness we deserve.

Pain, More Often Than Not, Leads To Happiness

The whole concept of letting go is painful to us. It must be, otherwise why would it be so hard to do? We are certain that the things and people around us contribute immensely to our happiness when, in fact in a lot of cases, this isn’t true.

Sometimes we need to go through painful processes to reach our happiness — it’s how we evaluate and appreciate what we need to make us happy and frees up necessary space for new and exciting experiences, thoughts, and beliefs to enter and help us understand how to be happy — truly and genuinely happy.

 

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20 Brutally Honest Things Women Turning 40 Want All Women In Their 30s To Know

women in 40

 

I will be 40 in less than a year. I would be lying if I said that turning the big 40 didn’t bother me. It seems that 40 is a number where I believe I should have finally ‘arrived’ in life, or my life should be the perfect picture of a successful wife, mother, business woman or whatever other demanding expectation I put upon myself when I was younger. My life right now is pretty good, but if I could have planned it all out or done things differently – it definitely would not look like how it actually turned out. I am a blessed mother of two children and I do have a few accomplishments under my belt but I sometimes compare my life to others and it just gets me down.

As I reflect being on this earth for almost 40 years and I rewind to when I was in my 30s, I would have definitely done a few things differently. Luckily, because of some of my past challenges in my life, I was forced to learn new tools.  Some of my past experiences forced me to do things differently which turned into a good thing eventually. Here are 20 brutally honest things women turning 40 want all women in their 30s to know.

 

1. Love and accept yourself – fully

I truly believe if I had accepted the good and bad parts of myself at a younger age, I would have avoided many of the wrong decisions that I made in my life. Once you know who you really are inside, you begin to accept and love yourself fully.  Once you truly love yourself from the inside, you are able to love and accept others which provides a much higher probability of maintaining healthy relationships.

2. Feed your soul

Whatever your passion, or whatever you enjoy in life, make sure you feed your soul with what inspires you. If you are not sure what your passion is, try new things and find different activities until you find a few that give you that feeling of warmth, freedom and acceptance inside.

3. Find a strong support network

For a long while, I tried to do everything in my life in my own power and with little help from others. I later realized having a strong support network of friends and safe people to share my life with is so rewarding. Finding and cultivating new relationships with others that will love and support you no matter what is so important to have in life.

4. Be authentic

During some of my harder times in life, I wore a pretty and smiling mask on my face no matter what I was going through. Only a few close people in my life knew what was really going on during my hardest trials. Once you begin to show others you have ups, downs and struggles in life just like everyone else, you become more trustworthy and sincere to others.

5. Live for you

A huge part of my life was taken up by taking care of everyone else which resulted in having no time for myself. My motives and reasons for doing things were wrong which in turn made my life much harder than it had to be. You cannot make everyone in your life happy – ever. Once you begin to make the best decisions for yourself instead of others, life gets easier.

6. Don’t compromise too much

I could have avoided a few bad relationships if I would have figured this out when I was younger. Compromise is required in any close relationship because we are all different and have different wants. Compromise is a good thing most of the time if the compromising is equal on both sides. Once you give up your wants and needs the majority of the time in any one relationship, it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship and decide if it really is healthy for you to be a part of it.

7. Travel more

This might be my biggest regret. I did travel some when I was younger before I had children and it was wonderful. Money can buy you material things or memories. If I had thought about it this way before, I would have stopped making the meaningless purchases on material things and made sure I spent my money on at least one new destination each year. Traveling creates a sense of freedom and opens your eyes to the way others live in different parts of the world.

8. Worry less

I struggled with anxiety and lots of worry in my past. Worrying triggered my anxiety and it became an ugly part of who I was for a long while. Once you realise that worrying will not change your outcome, you begin to accept whatever is going to happen to you. You realise you will be okay no matter what. Once I stopped worrying so much about everything, my stress levels decreased immensely.

9. Stop Comparing

Sometimes I feel like I should be done with Facebook altogether. Comparing your life to your best friend whom you know really well is one thing, but comparing your life to someone’s life on Facebook is detrimental. Once you realize that comparing your life to others does nothing but bring your own self worth down, you eventually stop. There will always be someone who is smarter, prettier or better off than me and I have accepted that. The moment I start comparing, I immediately change my thought pattern to what I am thankful for in my life and keep moving forward.

10. Forget expectations

I had the Disney syndrome growing up, you know the one that you will meet Prince Charming, get married and live happily ever after? Well Disney can suck it because that is not real life. After I was on failing marriage number 2, I just threw all of my expectations I placed upon others in the garbage. Once you realise you can still have dreams about your life but with dropping the expectations regarding other people, you really start to live your life in the moment. An expectation placed on someone else is actually just a premeditated resentment.

11. Live to work, not work to live

If I could do it all over again, I would have tried a myriad of different jobs when I was younger or researched a lot of different careers and chosen one that fit me best. Once you decide on a career path that you could really see yourself doing for the rest of your life, you then become someone in the workforce that truly lives to work because they love their career of choice. Many people are stuck in jobs they dislike just to garner a paycheck and that is not an ideal existence.

12. Save for the unexpected

This should be a no brainer but I did not do this when I was younger. I am now watching my parents live out their retirement and it has me thinking about all the things I need to do so that I am financially secure when I am older. Life will constantly be changing and probably continue to throw you unexpected curveballs so saving for upcoming hardships is a smart and sound decision.

13. Give back more

I found out later in my life that I enjoy helping others. For some this could entail volunteering time with a charity, or taking special care of a close friend that is going through a hard time. Giving a part of your time to do something that benefits you in no way, shape or form keeps you grounded and thankful for what you do have. It is so rewarding to forget about your problems in life by taking time to invest in someone else.  When you do something just out of the goodness of your heart and expect nothing at all in return, you surprisingly feel better about life no matter what is going on.

14. Forgive yourself and others

I lived a good part of my life bitter and angry about a few events that happened to me and for a while I truly believed it was 100% the other person’s fault. Once I realised that holding unforgiveness towards others and myself for past mistakes was holding me back from happiness, I made a change. It took me a while to be willing to forgive but I was able to work through it and experience freedom. Once you are able to truly let go of past hurts made by yourself or others, you see life and love in a positive light.

15. Don’t waste too much time on negative people

Sometimes it is hard to get away from negative people if they are your co-workers or your family. In some situations you do not have a choice but with actual friendships you can choose what type of friends you want to spend most of your time with. If you are on the end of a relationship where that person is a taker vs. a giver it’s time to set boundaries or slowly end the relationship. Once you begin to learn proper boundaries to set with people you would rather not have to deal with everyday, life becomes easier because you choose not to let that negative person affect you any longer.

16. No is a complete sentence

I have a hard time saying no. I want to say yes all the time and make everyone happy but that is impossible. If I do say no, many times I want to justify my no or explain the situation so the other person will feel better about my no. The older I get the more I realise that no really is a complete sentence and I do not have to justify every reason why I am not able to commit to an event or able do something for someone else. Once you are confident in your ‘no’, it’s easier to make decisions for yourself instead of others.

17. Think long and hard before you say ‘I do’

I am part of the divorce rate in America which is hard to admit but I now know what I want, desire and deserve in a mate. It is so easy to get caught up in the feelings and emotions of relationships. I considered the time invested with that person and I wanted more than what I currently had so I got married and hoped that things would change for the better. For myself in the end, they only got worse. If you don’t see longevity in your current relationship or you have too many “if onlys” with that person, then you might not be with your ideal mate. It’s much easier to end things with someone before they get too serious. If you have reservations about certain things in your relationship or you want to change core aspects of the personality of your partner, it is probably best to move on.

18. Stop and admire the little things

This is so simplistic but we currently live in a world where everyone is connected to an electronic device or the internet and it is becoming harder and harder to unplug and just enjoy everything that makes life worth living. Stop to enjoy a sunrise or sunset every once in a while, sit under the stars on a night with few clouds. Stop and smell the flowers. Go visit the ocean or the mountains and admire nature. We live in a world where Ferris Bueller is so right – “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

19. Stop caring what others think of you

I so wish I would have figured this one out much sooner. I was so concerned with what others thought of me that I often times responded or did things for others because I thought that is what they wanted to hear or what they wanted me to do. Once I realised that what others think of me is really none of my business I was able to live life with right motives instead of wrong ones. Once you are able to be yourself and forget caring what other people think about you, life gets better because the worry and the expectation of pleasing others is removed. The truth is it is impossible to please everyone, so you need to focus on yourself and just wear the bikini anyway.

20. Embrace Change

When I was younger I wanted things to be predictable, to be stable and for the most part to stay the same. It felt safer to think that my life will be pretty much the same through the years. When I was then confronted with numerous changes all at one time, I did not handle it well. I have since realised that the only thing I can count on in life is change. Once you are able to embrace change and know that life can take a variety of different turns, you are up for the challenge and better suited to accept whatever comes your way.

 

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7 Things to Remember When You Feel Cheated On

Things to Remember When You Feel Cheated On

 

Sometimes we feel cheated on by others.

Sometimes we feel cheated on by our circumstances.

Sometimes we feel cheated on by life itself.

In any case, we are faced with the reality that things aren’t always what they seem – we don’t always get what we expect.  And we begin to learn that our expectations are like fine pottery – the harder we hold on to them, the more likely they are to crack wide open.

So what can we do?

Embrace reality, and make the best of it.

The truth is, we were promised trials and tribulations right from the beginning.  They were always part of the program.  Growing up we were told, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”  And I’ve accepted it.  The relationships, jobs, and projects that didn’t work out led me closer to the ones that did.  The things I’ve lost too soon opened my mind to understandings and opportunities I never fathomed beforehand.  So while I’ve rarely gotten exactly what I wanted, I’ve often received more than I bargained for.

Of course, in the heat of the moment, when disappointing things are happening to YOU, not to others, and the outcomes you’re dealing with are REAL, not imagined, embracing reality and making the best of it is not easy.

You feel cheated on.

You feel victimized.

You feel crushed.

Which is why, first and foremost, it’s important to…

Learn to Be Mindful of Your Expectations

Imagine you had a ripe, juicy apple sitting on a table in front of you.  You pick it up eagerly, take a nibble, and begin to taste it.

You already know how an apple should taste, and so when this one is a bit more tart than you expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment and swallow it, feeling cheated out of a good experience.

Or perhaps the apple tastes EXACTLY as you expected – nothing special at all.  So you swallow without even pausing to enjoy its flavor, and you move on with your day.

In the first scenario, the apple let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations.  In the second, it was too plain and unexciting because it met your expectations to a T.

Do you see the irony here?

It’s either not good, or not good enough.

This is how many of us live our lives… unhappily.

It’s why many of us feel cheated on, victimized, and crushed far too often.

Now imagine you try this instead: eliminate your expectations of how the apple “should” taste.  You don’t know, and you don’t pretend to know, because you haven’t tried it yet.  Instead, you’re genuinely curious, impartial and open to a variety of flavors.

You taste it, and you truly pay attention.  You notice the juiciness, the grainy texture of the skin, the simultaneously sweet, tangy and tart flavors swirling around your tongue, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your awareness as you chew.  You didn’t know how it would taste, but now you realize it’s different than the rest, and it’s remarkable in it’s own way.  It’s a totally new experience – a worthwhile experience – because you’ve never tasted THIS apple before.

Mindfulness practitioners often refer to this as “beginner’s mind,” but really it’s just the outcome of a mindset free of needless and stressful expectations.

The apple, of course, can be substituted for anything in your life: any event, any circumstance, any relationship, any person, any thought at all that enters your mind, anytime and anyplace.  If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be,” they will surely disappoint you in some way… or be too plain and unexciting to remember.

And you’ll just move on to the next disappointment or unexciting experience, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth, until you’ve lived your entire life stuck in an endless cycle of things you barely like or barely even notice…

Until you kinda feel cheated on by everything and everyone you’ve ever known.

But if you approach each event, circumstance, relationship, etc. without expectations – and just see that event, circumstance, relationship, etc. at face value – then you will truly see it.  You will truly experience it like you’ve never experienced anything before, because you haven’t.  And you will be able to mindfully respond to whatever happens next.

But (and there’s always a “but”)…

Now that we’ve cleared the air a bit, and established some healthy breathing room, let’s get real about something else:

At some point, even when you’ve done your part to be mindful of your expectations, someone you trust or respect will deliberately hurt you.  They will cheat on you in some way by placing their own self-centered agenda ahead of your feelings.  And they will do it remorselessly, without an apology.

When you are faced with this reality, and you’re struggling to cope, let me prompt you with some essential reminders that Angel and I often review with our course students who are struggling with similar circumstances:

  1. The person who cheated on you is likely broken in more ways than you realize. – When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves – they directly threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.  In many ways, they are deeply broken.  This, however, does NOT excuse their behavior.
  2. The truth hurts, but it’s much healthier than holding on to the lies you once believed. – The really scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us in the long run than exposed lies.  Undiscovered lies erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation to the bitter end.  Keep this in mind.  The truth heals, even if it hurts at first.
  3. Arguing with someone who has intentionally hurt you only enflames the pain. – Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument regarding betrayal when you are most silent.  The perpetrator never expects silence.  They expect yelling, drama, defensiveness, offensiveness, and lots of back and forth.  They expect to leap into the ring and fight.  They are ready to defend themselves with sly remarks cocked and loaded.  But your mindful silence?  That can really disarm them.  That can really give you the space you need to move forward, one way or another, with or without them.
  4. It’s always best to wish people well, even if they don’t deserve it. – As Gandhi so profoundly said, “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”  If you spend your time and energy hoping someone will suffer the consequences for breaking your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.
  5. Healing gets easier when you learn to accept an apology you never received. – Forgiveness is crucial for your healing.  The key is to be mindful and grateful, despite what happened.  It’s taking a step back and saying, “Thank you for the lesson.”  When you forgive someone you are making a promise not to hold the unchangeable past against your present self.  It has nothing to do with freeing the perpetrator of his or her crime, and everything to do with freeing yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim.
  6. The person who hurt you doesn’t speak for the rest of us. – Every one of us suffers from at least one heart wrenching betrayal in our lifetime.  In a backwards way, it’s what unites us.  When it happens to you, the key is not to let one person’s despicable actions destroy your trust in others.  Don’t let them take that from you.
  7. A wonderful, life-changing gift may not be wrapped as you expect. – When you don’t get what you want, sometimes it’s necessary preparation, and other times it’s necessary protection.  But the time is never wasted.  It’s a step on your journey.  Someday you’re going look back on this time in your life as an important time of grieving and growing.  You will see that you were in mourning and your heart was breaking, but your life was changing for the greater good.

Your turn…

In what ways have you struggled with feeling “cheated on” or disappointed by the outcomes in your life and relationships?  How have you coped?  Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us.

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They say the people…

They say the people

 

They say the people who exhibit the most kindness have experienced a lot of pain. The ones who act like they don’t need love, are the ones that need it more. The ones who take care of everyone else’s needs are the ones who need it most. And the people who smile a lot may be the one’s who cry when there is no one around.

The coolest people

The coolest people

 

The coolest people I’ve ever met have the most colorful pasts, they’ve lived lives of risk, made bad choices, learned lessons, explored, and they’re not afraid of being real. Tattered tapestries woven of similar threads, they’re my kind of people. My favorite shades of crazy. ~Stephen L. Lizotte

I cherish the broken people because

 

I cherish the broken people because

I value people who are down on their luck yet they keep a positive outlook. I respect people who have wounds that tell an intense story of trust. I commend the folks with hurts that run as deep as rivers but they keep walking onward. I cherish the broken people because sometimes they’ll give you a piece of their story to learn from. I highly regard those who have gone through storm after storm but walk out more determined than ever. I think this is so because I can relate and their walk encourages me and for this I will tell my heart to never give up. Unknown

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Time is Slow when you wait!

 

Time Is Slow When You Wait

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Time is Slow when you wait! Time is Fast when you are late! Time is Short when you are happy! Time is Deadly when you are sad! Time is Short when you are happy! Time is Endless when you are in pain! Time is Long when you feel bored! Time is most beautiful when you are in love. Everytime, time is determined by your feelings and your psychological conditions and not by clocks. So Have A Nice Time Always… unknown

11 Signs of Wasting Your Life, Even if You Won’t Admit It

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
Hopefully,Everything going great and you are living the life of your dreams. But for the rest of you who are not,

Signs of Wasting Your Life

Here are 11 Signs of Wasting Your Life … but you don’t want to admit it:

1. YOU WASTE TOO MUCH TIME DOING UNNECESSARY THINGS .

Eating too much food. Drinking,Video games. Reality Shows. Surfing the ‘net,and so on. Take a serious look at your life. Where are you spending the majority of your time? And does it serve you well? Is it leading to a better life? Is it laying the foundation for a bright future? If not, then you need to reevaluate your routine activities and make changes.

2. YOU ARE COMPLAINING A LOT ABOUT THINGS.
Do you complain about your Life,your academic score, your workplace, your family, your neighbors or your society? If you do, then you are exuding negative energy. Negativity doesn’t change things. It keeps you stuck. So change your thoughts and talk about what you appreciate about your life, not what you don’t like.
I know people who are constantly overwhelmed with life, and they never cease to tell me. Are you one of those people?
3. YOU DON’T FEED YOUR MIND.
If you’re not continually growing and learning as a person, then you are stagnant – just like a still pond that doesn’t move and grows green gunk on it. That’s what your mind does if you don’t keep it active and learn new things. Positive challenges in your life will expand your mind, not send it backwards.
4. YOU HAVE A LOT OF NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.
Self-talk can make or break your life. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t… either way, you’re right.” If you tell yourself that you’re not smart enough to get that promotion or start a business, then you’re right. If you tell yourself you’re too exhausted to put effort into changing your life, then you’re right. Whatever you tell yourself becomes your reality. So closely monitor what you say to yourself, because you will find that your life matches your thoughts.
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5. YOU FEEL UNINSPIRED.
Do you have a passion for anything? I know a lot of people who think they don’t have a passion. But that’s never the case. There has to be something that you enjoy doing. So you need to rediscover what excites you, and then do more of it.(Also Read-7 Mantras that Will Stop You from Taking Things Personally)
6. YOU DON’T PLAN FOR YOUR FUTURE.
While it’s always great to live in the “now” and “be in the moment,” sometimes you need to look ahead to see where you want to go. If you don’t have a goal or a plan, then you are like a boat that is wandering aimlessly in the ocean hoping to end up somewhere good. But you can’t do that. You have to make a step-by-step guide to get where you want to go. Just like a GPS gets you to a destination, you need your own inner GPS to guide you.
7. YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T CONTRIBUTE TO YOUR GROWTH.
It’s easy to get stuck hanging out with people who are not making you feel like a better person. But if you keep doing that, then you will stay stagnant or get pulled down with them. I like to call them “Energy Vampires.” They suck the life out of you and give you nothing positive in return. Instead, go find growth-oriented people to be around.(Also Read)
8. YOU’RE ADDICTED TO YOUR PHONE.
Sure, cell phones are super cool gadgets that can leave us entranced when we use them. While that’s fun, think about all the time you are wasting with your phone. Even worse, think about all the relationships that might be affected. Maybe you’re texting or searching the internet while you’re having dinner with your spouse or kids. If you are, you’re missing out on meaningful time you can spend with your loved ones – or time you could devote to making a plan for your future.
9. YOU SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT DON’T MATTER.
There is a difference between a “need” and a “want.” I’m sure we all learned that in kindergarten. However, in today’s society, we have blurred the lines quite a bit (see #8… the cell phone). In fact, I know people who can’t pay their mortgage, but still have the fanciest gadgets on the planet. If you stop to think about it, there is very little that we actually need. Food, water, shelter and love are some of those things. All the rest are just bonuses. So look at what you’re spending your money on and see if you can make adjustments. Maybe you can use the money you save to invest in your future.
10. YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I have read enough books to know how vitally important sleep is. I could write 20 pages on it. But I obviously don’t have enough room in this short article. Sleep is crucial for good health. If you’re too busy to get enough sleep or if you simply have a bad habit of staying up until the wee hours of the morning, you should re-evaluate your habits.
11. YOU’RE NOT TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY.
Not only is sleep essential to your health, so is food and exercise. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. But eating a balanced, healthy diet and moving your body around truly does have more positive effects other than weight loss. It affects your mental attitude and overall well-being. So take a look at your diet and level of activity. You might find that making a few small changes will greatly improve your life.

Bonus

YOU DON’T LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
I know how easy it is to live in a comfort zone. In fact, when I go to a familiar restaurant, I always order the same thing. Not because I’m afraid to try something new, but because I like the food I normally order. But that’s not the kind of comfort zone I’m talking about. I’m talking about taking a risk that will improve your life. And keep in mind, there is a difference between a “risk” and a “calculated risk.” Any risk has the possibility to be deadly, but a calculated risk is one in which you’ve weighed all options and thus come up with a good, sensible plan of action.
 YOU’RE LIVING A LIFE YOU DON’T LIKE.
The way I measure success is by someone’s level of happiness. Are you happy? If not, then you should change something! Even a feeling of contentment or satisfaction doesn’t tell you that you’re living life to the fullest. Life should be exciting! So if you’re not enjoying life, take a look at some of the changes you can make to get you to a better place.
If any of these 13 points sounded like you, don’t despair. You can make changes. But the first change you need to make is getting rid of the idea that you can’t do it. Many times, your biggest obstacle is your own thought process. So start there. Change your thinking – then change your life!
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Sometimes you are the toxic person

 

Sometimes You Are The Toxic Person

Check yourself. Sometimes you are the toxic person. Sometimes you are the mean, negative person you’re looking to push away. Sometimes the problem is you. And that doesn’t make you less worthy. Keep on growing. Keep on checking yourself. Keep on motivating yourself. Mistakes are opportunities. Look at them, own them, grow from them and move on. Do better, be better. You’re human. It’s okay. — Unknown