He has been making me laugh a lot by calling me ‘Robocop’

He has been making me laugh a lot by calling me ‘Robocop’


He has been making me laugh a lot by calling me ‘Robocop’ for the last month. It hurts when I laugh heavily because this month I will be on my ninth month of my pregnancy and he has never let me stop laughing for a minute. This last month he has been mocking me by calling me ‘Robocop’ because I can’t move very fast with my eight-month pregnant belly. I walk slowly, turn slowly, sit slowly, and for him I become a Robocop. I have never seen a Robocop before and I don’t even understand it but he watched that movie and for my better understanding he sometimes acts like a Robocop in front of me. He looks so funny that I can’t allow myself to laugh standing up.
We have already decided our child’s name; if it will be a boy, we will call him ‘Sagor’ (Ocean) and if will be a girl, we will call her ‘Nodi’ (River). I am expecting a boy but my Hero is expecting a girl because he says, “after we will become older, you can’t laugh like this anymore so I will be able to see your smile on my daughter’s face.” He loves my smile; that’s why he tries to make me laugh all the time.

He is working so hard every day making a gold chain for our child. I feel so blessed that I found my love and found this man in my life. I never hesitate to give thanks to Allah for his kindness upon me. I wish to die beside him._ Shahin and Jhuma


Credit GMB Akash 

Knock it Off: Why Divorce Guilt is so Unnecessary.

Guilt—what an ugly word and a terrible feeling.

Guilt comes in all sorts of mutating forms before, during, and after divorce.

We may feel guilty because of a specific/concrete action we have done, or, more likely, divorce guilt permeates our lives like a mist running through our bodies. It’s a general, lingering feeling that comes from a variety of factors—things that have nothing to do with us but nevertheless continue to threaten our happiness.

It is normal for many of us to feel like we are to blame for everything leading up to the end of our marriage. Society certainly has not helped us break from that. Many of us were raised to say “sorry” for everything—whether or not it was our fault.

Culturally, we were taught that keeping the household and marriage successful without any mistakes was our responsibility, without much regard for the idea that it takes two people in a partnership to make a relationship work. And naturally, because there was a lot of pressure on us to be perfect and act a certain way, when the marriage unraveled, our reaction was to blame ourselves for it.

But I’m here to tell you to knock it  off.

If there’s only one thing I want you to remember in this post, it’s the following:

In order to overcome guilt, you must forgive yourself.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It’s a gift that we are usually generous in giving others—at home, at work, at Starbucks when the barista has screwed up our order for the third time this week—yet, for some reason, we don’t afford ourselves the same luxury. For some reason, we think our actions, especially divorce-related ones, are somehow reprehensible and we feel like the worst people in the world for letting everybody down.

But you know what? The only person you have let down is you—by not being kinder to yourself. You deserve to breathe, to dream big and plan for the future, to laugh again, and to not be judged.

Accepting responsibility for your own shortcomings and working on them to avoid mistakes in the future is one thing. But constantly blaming yourself for things in the past is neither helpful nor healthy, and it doesn’t change a single thing.

So why not put that energy you spend on feeling bad about the past into something awesome, like creating the good life you deserve and giving yourself the chance to start over?

Forgiving yourself is challenging right now because you are looking at the divorce with warped vision. Right now, you are looking at it with 20/20 hindsight, where you have the luxury of picking your past self to pieces. And that’s just not fair.

It’s time to change that way of thinking. Feeling guilty stops now.

I know what you’re thinking, because I went through that same personal hell during my divorce, too.

“But Martha…that’s easier said than done! I just feel so damn guilty all the time!”

And you know what? You’re going to until you let all that B.S. go and just be. Sure, you have made mistakes in the past. But who the hell hasn’t? Remember that it takes two to tango in a marriage. You must accept that you did everything within your power at the time to make the marriage work. And even if you, for some reason, have still convinced yourself that you didn’t, the past cannot be changed anyway.

So, how do you forgive yourself, exactly? I’m glad you asked.

How to move on from your guilt and forgive yourself: Reflections and Exercise.

When a wave of guilt hits you, please remember this:

Guilt is a gray, looming fortress—a mix of the Tower of London and Fort Knox, where you are trapped. But here’s the funny thing—all the doors are unlocked, there are no guards, and there’s no reason for you to stay there. So why not leave?

Guilt is your past holding you prisoner. It’s impossible to plan for the future if you keep holding yourself in the past.

The next time you are feeling guilty and are unsure of how to forgive yourself, ask yourself this one question:

“How will this guilt serve me in the future?”

Think long and hard about this question…oh, I see that you are drawing a blank on how to answer it. Gee, that might be because guilt does not serve us, so let it go. Then, do this next step.

Write down why you feel guilty. To get you started, I listed some of the thoughts running through my head when I was dealing with guilt:

I feel guilty because maybe I should have suggested we go to couples therapy sooner. I feel guilty because maybe I should have brought up the fact that we weren’t communicating anymore. Maybe if I had done that, things would have been different.

Sound familiar? Here’s what you need to understand about the words of guilt.

Guilt speaks the language of “maybe, should have, and would have.” These are not action words—they are passive words that your guilt is using to make you create some picture-perfect false reality that doesn’t exist. It’s time to kick that language and those thoughts to the curb.

The next time you find yourself with those thoughts running through your head, nip it in the bud with compassion for yourself and neutralize those words with forgiveness. Take a look at how to start countering them below, and then write your own counter-thoughts for the specific things that are making you feel guilty!

I feel guilty because maybe I should have suggested we go to couples therapy sooner.

The Forgiveness Mindset: We went to couples therapy when we thought we needed it, and did everything in our power at the time to fix it. You were brave to try it, and should not feel bad about any of that.

I feel guilty because maybe I should have brought up the fact that we weren’t communicating anymore.

The Forgiveness Mindset: It takes two people for a marriage to work and you were not responsible for both you and your husband. You did what you could with the strength you had at the time. Be proud of yourself for that.

Now it’s your turn! Write down the things that are making you feel guilty, then neutralize them with the compassion you deserve. Do this whenever the guilt sneaks up on you, and as long as you are mindful and consistent with this practice, you can keep the Guilt Monster at bay.


Editor: Catherine Monkman

10 Things We Do to Prevent Happiness.

There are 10 things we all do almost every day to sabotage our own happiness.

It is indeed the human way to get in our own way. Think about it: so much of what we do and don’t do keeps us from feeling content and satisfied. Having a happy heart and an open mind means we are winning at life.

When we can recognize the following ways we goal-tend our own happiness, we can begin to change our behaviors and habits so that we can win at life.

We procrastinate:

Many of us are all talk, no action. Especially when it comes to personal goals and what we really want out of life. What are your dreams and aspirations? Do you want to hike the Appalachian Trail or become the lead singer in a band? What is it that you’ve always wanted to try, do, see, explore?

We all have dreams and desires, but many of us take little or no action to get there. We procrastinate because we think we always have more time. The reality is, we have plenty of time, but boy does it fly by. We wake up one day, realize we are about to turn 50 and panic because we thought we had Way More Time to follow our dreams—but procrastinated and squandered it away instead. Happiness requires action, even if it’s difficult or if we are unsure.

“The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.” ~ Laozi 

We stay indoors:

We stay inside when it’s perfectly beautiful outside. We look out our windows at the sunshine, and yet, somehow have to come up with a reason to go outside. We should not need a reason to get outside. Staying inside blocks happiness because it keeps the light from hitting our face, the sun from warming our soul, and the crisp, cool air from entering our lungs. Inside is boring. Get outside as often as possible and watch how your mood changes.

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

We let our junk and our chores pile up:

What’s up with the endless, needless junk? Why do we keep so much stuff? For what—so we can look at it? Having too much clutter in and around our homes clutters up our minds as well. When we purge the junk from every room in our house, we clear the path for happiness.

If an item doesn’t serve us in some way, we need to kick it to the curb. In the same regard, when we tick chores off our list, we can move on to brighter things. When we keep a tidy home, and chores are complete, we often feel the sense of serenity that cannot (and will not) come from anywhere else.

“Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination.” ~ Christina Scalise

We watch too much reality television:

We watch other people living their lives instead of living our own authentic lives. We are entertained by other people’s arguments, problems, and day to day activity. We watch people go out to eat, we watch them drink and smoke, we watch them get into fist fights and yell expletives. We watch them sit around the house and complain about problems that are not problems. We watch them do everything except go to work. We get wrapped up in these shows the same way we became wrapped up in the soap operas of the 70s.

When we lose ourselves in someone else’s version of reality, we do not confront our own reality. It’s a guilty pleasure like candy, food, drugs, and alcohol, but too much of that sh*t is bad for us.

“Watching too much television can triple our hunger for more possessions, while reducing our personal contentment by about 5 percent for every hour a day we watch.” ~ David Niven

We live in the future and in the past:

We pine nostalgically for the old days, or we keep thinking that tomorrow will be different. We often forget that the only living we need to do is in the present moment. Wishing we could change the past has never, in the history of humankind, changed the past. And while it’s good to think about the future in a positive way, the future has a funny way of unfolding based on the things we do in the present. Or, it’s completely unpredictable so there’s no sense getting caught up in what tomorrow will bring.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Gautama Buddha

Too much yes and not enough no:

All too often we are stretched to our limits—physically, mentally, at work, at home, and in many of our relationships. A lot of the time, this cannot be helped, but if we consciously recognize when we are being pulled out and spread thin, we can say no to what doesn’t serve our inner spirit. When we start serving our inner spirit, we make our own happiness a priority instead of pleasing other people in order to gain friendship or garner praise.

“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~ Paulo Coelho

 Frivolous Spending:

Money comes in, money goes out. We know where it comes from, but where does it all go? Much of the time we buy an abundance of items we just do not need. We buy clothes, new phones, new dishes, and freakin’ beaded pillows from Home Goods, and then we stop at TJ Maxx, where we get the maxx for the minimum. And it’s a rush because it’s all fun stuff we don’t need.

Most of it is just stuff we buy because we like the way it looks. We think it will make us happy. We are lured in by gimmicks and marketing and pretty packaging. No one needs a roll up jewelry organizer. No one needs another pair of running pants. When we decide what we need over what we want, we decide that happiness doesn’t come from stuff. Stuff can be fun, but too much stuff blocks our pathway to happiness.

“A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.” ~ Dave Ramsey

We Gossip:

Who doesn’t? It’s easy to poke fun at other people here and there. It’s especially easy to do it behind their backs. We roll our eyes and act like the other person’s behavior (or outfit, Facebook post, or hair color) doesn’t scare the sh*t out of us because we know that it’s so much like our own. “Did you see her in that dress?” Cue the eye roll. Cue the sigh and the nervous giggle. Meanwhile, we would love to wear that dress, if only we could feel as confident as she seems to feel.

It’s always important to remember that our own fears, insecurities and misgivings guide gossip. Before pointing out the flaws of others, we must indeed remember to practice kindness. To keep our hearts “pure,” exchange kindness for gossip (even if we think it’s harmless) when the opportunity presents itself.

“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

We Compare:

Our house is small and your house is big. We drive old cars, while yours are always new. She can run a 5K in under 25 minutes, while I can barely break 28. Someone will always have more, and someone will always run faster. Someone else’s kid will go to Harvard. That’s just the way it goes. Should we wallow in comparisons or should we concentrate on bettering ourselves and our circumstances? When we are happy with ourselves and we know that what we have is enough, we can rejoice when good things happen to other people.

“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world, if you do so you are insulting yourself.” ~ Bill Gates

 We prioritize things that don’t matter:

We all get 24 hours a day (hopefully) to do the things that are most important to us. Many things we say we want to prioritize get pushed to the back of the list by other, less worthy things. For example, we say we want to exercise and eat healthier, but it is often easy to make excuses. We let our excuses overrule our intended priorities. Therefore, exercise and healthier eating are not priorities after all.

Other examples may include spending time with our kids, or paying off debt. We lose focus when we pay more attention to our cell phones, or we buy impulsively. Our cell phones and our accumulated stuff become the priorities instead of our kids or our finances.

When we reevaluate our daily habits we often see how excuses and detrimental behaviors contribute to keeping us from what is really important, hence keeping us from contentment and peace in our lives.

“There’s no sense talking about priorities. Priorities reveal themselves. We are all transparent against the face of the clock.” ~ Eric Zorn

When we consistently block our own happiness by engaging in these practices, we are essentially blocking our own lives. Human beings are meant to live earnestly and well. We are meant to find joy in the endless possibilities of each new day, and to savor the time we’ve been given.

We need to get up, get outside, get away from the television, keep our wallets in our pockets, keep harmful words from leaving our mouths, and prioritize what matters.


Author: Kimberly Valzania 

Apprentice Editor: Corinne Milentijevic / Editor: Catherine Monkman

How to Survive the Loss of Someone we Can’t Live Without.

Answer the phone or the door, then wish you hadn’t.

The news, even if you expected it, will stun you. You will feel as if you’ve left your own body behind too, and are hovering slightly above yourself, watching the scene unfold like some terrible TV movie.

Gag. Vomit. Shout No to the person who tells you.

Refuse to believe it.

Tell them this happens to other people, to other families.

Not you. Not yours.

Stumble, somehow through the raw first days. Shower. Press small pieces of bread to your lips. Sip water. Realize the desperate animal sounds you hear are coming from your own body. Wonder how it is that your lungs keep filling with air, over and over again. Be amazed at how the rest of the world keeps hurtling forward: humans rush to work, traffic lights roll from red to green to yellow, the earth continues to circle the hot shriek of the sun, ceaselessly, irreverently.

Sit through his memorial service. Thank the cottony cloud of shock that makes this all feel unreal. Cling to it. It will be worse when it, too, leaves you.

Listen as people fling their well-meaning words your way. They’re in a better place now. It was God’s will. Be strong. They are dribbling these words because they don’t know what else to say. Because it hurts too much to say the truth: this is so terrible. I don’t know how you will survive this. How could God allow this to happen?

Hear the words pound through your head over and over again: He is dead. Or: she is dead. These words are nudging you across the bridge from your old life, where your dear one was alive, to your new life, where they’re not. It is not a bridge you wanted to cross—you hate this bastard bridge. But you can’t turn back.

This is the bridge you are on.

Fall completely and utterly apart. Imagine the entire rest of your life, all the love and loss, the weddings and births, the sick days and vacations, and how damned bittersweet every single event of your life will be because she will not be there. Ask why me? over and over again, and wait for the answer that never comes.

Go for long, tentative walks. Refuse to step on wriggling worms or the small black bodies of ants. Because maybe there is someone back home waiting for them, some worm sister or ant husband, and you can’t bear the thought of sending more grief in the world, even invertebrate grief.

Be afraid to go to sleep. Not because of the nightmares. But because you might dream them alive again, and for just a sliver of a second, when you awake in the sweet smudge between sleep and consciousness, you will think their death was a mistake. And the news will come thundering down. Again.

Notice, despite yourself, small scraps of beauty: a star-patched sky. The singing face of a stranger at a stoplight. Moving water. Let the thought wash over you, for just a moment: you will be okay.

Scream at your dead loved one. For leaving you behind. For ruining everything. For causing this terrible pit of pain.

Apologize for your rage. Forgive her.

Forgive yourself. For being alive. For not saving him. Forgive yourself, over and over and over again.

Go to a grief group. Sit in a circle with other people who have lost someone they couldn’t live without. Discover there is a silent army stretching all across the earth made of people walking across the same bridge as you. Feel, for the first time in a long while, like you are understood. Like you are not alone.

Approach the anniversary of her death. Be wary. It looms like a portal, making you think, for a sick second, that you can bend back time, that you can stop it from happening. Meet the day anyway. Let loose a bouquet of balloons. Write her a letter. Go to the ocean. Order his favorite pizza. Go to sleep and awaken the next day, surprised that it still hurts this much, surprised you have survived a whole year without him.

Wish time away. Let it pour over you and do what nothing else can—soften the throb of the place your loved one occupied. Let it push you across that shitty bridge. Let it show you what is still here—your sharp mind, your sinewy heart, a future that is not the one you wanted, but the one that is, nonetheless, waiting for you.

Notice that you haven’t cried in a day, a week, two weeks. Feel grateful for the terrible strength of the human spirit, for the press on and on and on.

Live your sweet, hard, singular life. Build something strong and beautiful. Whisper, I miss you into the flesh of your pillow.

Stand back and stare at the bridge you’ve somehow crossed. You were there, and there, and there. You are mostly accustomed to it now, except on anniversaries and Tuesdays and cold days. Your loss has seasoned you, sharpened you, sweetened you. It has carved you into someone who is more wary but also more awake. More essential.

Realize that each of us is stumbling across our own bridge. That this world is not for the faint-hearted, and it might not be the one we’d choose, but it is the world we are in. Say I love you. Say I’m sorry. Say I survived.


Author: Lynn Shattuck

5 Ways of How to Overcome The Fear of Failure Psychology





Overcoming fear of failure is crippling and paralyzing.  In that moment, it feels like your heart is beating five million times a minute.  Then, your hands begin trembling and your palms start sweating from the adrenaline pumping through your veins.  Your breath starts to catch and it becomes harder to fill your lungs.  Scenario after scenario of failure flashes through your head in an endless loop.  At this moment, your tears betray you as they bunch up at the corner of your eyes.  Then, it’s over.  Tears stream down your face and in to your lap.  Failure has won. You retreat, hide under the covers, and try to put the pieces of your confidence back together again and you find ways to overcome fear of failure.

Has this happened to you before? Well don’t worry we’ve all been there.  The fear of failure is a very common feeling. Most of the time this feeling occurs when you try something new because you’re afraid of what might happen.  It’s easy for the fear of failure to start creeping in to your head, making a permanent home in your subconscious, and taking over every glimpse of success you have.  How to Overcome the fear of failure is the moment you rise to the occasion and grow a stronger belief in your-self.  This task can seem daunting, but here are five ways to overcome  fear of failure in its tracks.

Overcome fear of failure psychology takes determination, focus, and courage.  It takes determination because you have to change your negative mind in to a positive mind.  The mind is stubborn, so you need to constantly remind yourself to think positively.  This constant reminder takes focus so the two skills go hand-in-hand.  And last of all, how to overcome the fear of failure requires courage because you need to step out of your comfort zone and take control of your life.

Overcoming fear of failure grows from a seed of doubt and sprouts from lack of confidence.  The one thing every successful person has is confidence.  Successful people are confident that they cannot only get the job done but also get the job done well.  So the first ways to overcome fear of failure involves building confidence.


Self-confidence doesn’t happen overnight.  (Though it would be awesome if it did.) Building confidence in your-self takes time because you have to change the way you think.  Your mind is stubborn so it needs daily reminders about your capability to be strong and self-sufficient.

The first step in building confidence is accepting that people make mistakes and these mistakes don’t define whom we are.  The second step involves finding your strengths and acknowledging your achievements.  Write these things down and look over them everyday.  Your strengths and achievements are a daily reminder that tells your brain “I am capable.”  To continually build your self-confidence, make it a habit to add strengths and achievements to your list every week. Your confidence will grow as the list grows and you will learn the art of how to overcome fear of failure.


When you have confidence in your ability to succeed you will accept that failure occurs and know that failure can be overcome.  In the equation for success, failure is just another variable you have to solve.

In other words, failure is not an end. It’s a means to an end.  Even Theodore Roosevelt said, “Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort.”With that in mind, you can keep solving for X and find your success of how to overcome fear of failure in life.


The third method involves creating goals.  To create goals, dream big.  Once you created the dream, make a plan because “a goal without a plan is only a wish.”This famous quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupéryreminds you that success isn’t handed to you.  You have to work hard to achieve your dreams. It takes intensity and focus to achieve your goals.  Goals will motivate you and train your mind to see pass the failed attempts.

Once you have your “big picture” goal, make smaller milestones to help you achieve the bigger goal.  These smaller milestones will keep your mind focused and prevent the fear of failure from making an appearance. In this way you have one of many ways to overcome fear of failure.


Sometimes when you try to reach a goal, you fail and it feels like the world is going against you.  In these times, you should take a note from Elsa and “Let it Go.” Some of the things that happen to us are outside of our control.  The constant worry and stress over what might happen easily consumes you.  Rather than losing sleep over what you can’t control, focus on what you can.

The only thing you can control in life is how you react to it.  Once you accept this fact, many of your worries and fears will disappear. Part of the Letting Go method is taking control of your life.  By being aware of how you react and controlling these reactions, you will be a more positive person.  Through positive thoughts, you can strengthen your self-confidence and learn how to overcome fear of failure.


This last method is a combination of the previous four methods.  Once you have self-confidence and goals, you’ll not only accept that failure is a part of life but you’ll see failure as a chance to learn and grow.  Once you have reached this point, you have overcome the fear of failure.  As the famous saying goes, “the world is your oyster.”

overcoming the fear of failure is a universal thing.  People fear the future (AKA the unknown). You wish that the second you make a decision you can immediately know the outcome. For example, you are given doors A, B, C, or D.  You want to know what’s behind each door without opening them.  Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.  You have to open every door to know what’s behind it.

Sometimes overcome fear of failure will have your feet glued to the floor and your arms plastered at your side.  In this case, the fear of failure prevents us from walking up to the door and turning the doorknob.  But once we have confidence in ourselves to be capable and overcome adversity, we can will ourselves to walk towards door A and open it.  When we have made this step, then we are one step closer to overcoming the fear of failure.

Like the example, there are two ideas that connect all five methods: confidence and action.  Confidence gives you the push that you need to get going.  And the call to action forces you to try.  The act of trying puts you outside your comfort zone and allows you to see the possibility of success.

Building confidence, solving the equation, creating goals, letting go, and seeing failure as a perspective are all ways you can overcome the fear of failure.  Getting over a fear is challenging but when you use these methods in your daily life you can become a more positive and confident person.

Positivity and confidence helps you rationalize failure rather than internalize failure.  Internalizing failure leads to inaction and possibly a cycle of self-destruction because the fear of failure paralyzes you and prevents you from moving on.  Being able to see that failure is a part of life and an opportunity to learn will allow you to move pass failure. Write down what you learned from each failed attempt and move on.  Don’t let failure stop you from trying again.  Believe that you are capable and you’re halfway there.

Whatever method you decide to try, just remember that confidence is the foundation of success.  Once you have it, you can’t fail.  Because when you have self-confidence, you will see failure as a lesson and fear as a challenge.

11 Signs You May Have The World’s Rarest Personality Type, ‘INFJ’


According to the Myer-Briggs personality test, 16 personality types are based on four categories. Although 98% of the world share 15 of the personality types, only 2% have this type, the rarest personality type in the world. For this reason, members of this group are a mystery since many people have never met one.

What is the rarest personality type in the world?

INFJ, also known as Advocates.

The four categories that personality types are based on are extroversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, thinking vs. are feeling, and judging vs. perceiving. These category titles determine the name of the personality type, making INFJs introverted, intuitive, handling, and deciding as they lean further to each of those traits.

Here are some more details about this rare personality type:


When they spend time with someone, they want to talk about the essential things and hate small talk because it feels meaningless to them. When something or someone doesn’t feel entirely genuine for them, they tend to lose interest quickly.


There’s something about people with this personality type that allows other people to trust them immediately. It’s not unusual for complete strangers to start talking to an INFJ and begin telling them things many of their close friends don’t even know about them.


Whether it’s a specific insecurity or past trauma, INFJs can quickly do things about people they meet without necessarily knowing why. This also means that they can see beyond outward behavior and to the root of it.


They value truth and search for meaning in life, which is why they hate lies and when they sense that someone is manipulative. This is also what drives this type to be adventurous, as they want to expand their knowledge of the world.


This is because this personality type can adjust to social situations and are usually very open and talkative with people they’re close to. Although they may be seen as the life of the party all night, when they get home, they’ll be exhausted.


This can lead to problems as once they have established what they believe about something; they won’t back down on that belief, leaving relationships and careers behind if they don’t line up with their convictions. INFJs may even ignore laws that they don’t agree with.


Although they might use the term “friend” to describe the many people they know, someone with this personality type only keeps a select few people close to them. And these lucky few will be treated with absolute, unwavering loyalty.


Although they work well in larger groups because of how well they get along with others, they do their best work when they’re able to work alone or with only a couple other people that they trust and that think like them.


Everything they do, they want to do it right, the first time. This is a double-edged sword since they can do quality work, but also feel hurt when their work is criticized and often struggle with fear of failure or being inadequate.


This is why many people with this personality type have a hard time expressing themselves verbally. It’s also why so some successful writers share this rare personality type.


They can’t help but be drawn to injured people with the desire to set them. This is because they see the good in that person as well as the struggles that have left that person in their current situation, and they want to lift them out of it.

Like all personality types, the INFJ has both strengths and weaknesses, but understanding them can help others get along with them better and harbor deep and meaningful relationships with them.


About The Author: Originally from Michigan, Melody now enjoys working as a freelance writer from her home in Nicaragua, which she shares with her amazing husband and their crazy cat that was raised on goat’s milk from the time her mother abandoned her at just ten days old. They’re excited to be expecting their first baby, who they thought was a girl, were told was a boy, and then was told was a girl. She also recently finished her first novel and is working on making a cat coloring book.

10 Tips for Boosting Your Concentration

We’ve all had that frantic moment when our focus and willpower seem to fail us. You need to concentrate – that big exam or project for work is due tomorrow and if you don’t finish it now, you’re doomed. Calm down. Breathe. Here are ten ways to increase your ability to focus.

10 concentration-boosting tricks

Start Fresh

Those late night Netflix binges aren’t doing your concentration any favors. You can’t expect to be able to focus if you’re falling asleep. It’s very important to have 7-9 hours of restful sleep before you need to wake up and be productive.

This is all pretty self-explanatory, but if you want to get really scientific about it, there are plenty of sleep tracking apps that can monitor the regular rhythms in your sleep and wake you up within a window of time of your choosing.

Decide Where to Focus

It is impossible to focus if you don’t know what you need to focus on. Take the time you need to make an action plan for yourself, whether that means an overarching to-do list, or a list of simple steps required to complete a larger project. Even if it feels like a waste of time at the onset, it will save you a lot of time down the road.

Shut-Down Your Distractions

I don’t care what’s distracting you – just stop it, right now. Turn off your phone. Make a vow not to check your email until you’re done. Block Facebook if you have to. You’ll thank me later.

Get the Right Background Noise

Anyone who has ever had to study in a spot shared with a crying baby (hello, every airplane ride I’ve been on) or merry party-going roommates knows just how distracting certain background noises can be. On the other hand, try to work in a completely silent room and you may quickly find yourself going insane. It can be hard to strike a balance between a distraction and a motivational level of noise.

Personally, I find that listening to classical and instrumental music is great while I’m writing – music with words is just too disruptive when I’m trying to construct my own thoughts. But maybe working with music just isn’t for you. In that case, white noise is always a great option, like RainyMood (soothing rain sounds) or Coffeetivity (the ever-relaxing sounds of your local coffee shop). Or you could just head over to your local coffee shop. That works, too.

Do It Now

That’s right, now. Not after lunch. Not tomorrow. Not next week. If you’ve got a task you’ve just been dreading, tackling it will be a great concentration boost. Just imagine it: after you’re done you won’t have to worry about doing it anymore.


I see you reaching for your latte. What if, instead of getting yourself so drugged up on caffeine that your heart starts racing, you took a brisk walk around the block, or at the very least, around your building? When you rely on caffeine, you build up a tolerance and an expectation where your body needs the drug to feel focused. But cardio is free and wakes up other regions of your brain.

Eat for Concentration

Feeling sluggish? Believe it or not, that may be due to what you had for breakfast or lunch. According to the Society for Neuroscience, walnuts and blueberries help maintain and may even reverse the aging of your brain. Spinach and carrots are power foods as well. Be sure you’re eating organic to get the full benefits of increased nutrients.  And if you love sushi, you’re in luck: eating fish gives your brain a huge boost, thanks to the Omega-3.

Get Hydrated

Feeling a little difficulty concentrating? It may mean you’re dehydrated. And this doesn’t only apply to when you are thirsty – as little as a 1.5% drop in your usual water volume can negatively affect your concentration. Next time you need to focus, prevent dehydration by drinking a glass of water beforehand.


The sensation of breathing deeply – where you really listen to your breath as it goes in and out of your body – is great for your concentration. If you put a focus on the way you are breathing, it will automatically slow down and allow for increased thinking ability.

See with New Eyes

Totally stumped? Maybe you’ve been looking at your problems for too long. Take a moment to really observe. Try to see the issue with new eyes, as though you are looking at it for the first time, or you’re an outsider. You may notice things you otherwise would have missed.

Concentration isn’t an achievable zen-like status that few of us ever reach. By combining the simple tricks outlined above, you will be setting yourself up for success.


The Newbie Guide: How to Deal with Stress at College

In 2013, the American Psychology Association published the concerning results of a survey. Seventy percent of directors believed that the number of students with psychological problems on campus had increased in the past year. Anxiety was a major concern among college students. Should we be surprised? College students are put under so much stress that it’s only natural for them to feel the consequences.

Stress is part of us. We even need it sometimes. If someone attacks you, stress is what makes you react. But, it’s not natural for us to feel stressed 24/7.  It’s extremely important for every student to understand how to deal with stress.

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way: there’s no way to eliminate stress from your life. The only thing we can do is reduce it to minimal levels, so we can continue living our lives without being under constant pressure. When the whirlpool of stress takes you in, it’s a force you can hardly fight. That’s the effect we want to avoid.

Since college education is testing your limits every single day, it’s important to develop immunity against stress. If you try hard enough, you’ll get to the point when you recognize the moment that stresses you out, but you’re strong enough to resist the whirlpool. This might be the most important lesson you learn in life.

We’ll give you 10 practical tips that help you to find your way on how to deal with stress at college.

Plan Everything!

Some people say planning stressed them out.  I have one thing to ask: have they ever tried planning? Robert Epstein, psychologist and self-help author, conducted a survey that showed planning was an effective technique for preventing stress. “Fighting stress before it even starts, planning things rather than letting them happen,” – that’s how Epstein sees the benefits of planning.

Start from mapping your steps on “How to deal with stress“ path.

When you take few minutes of your day to plan how you’ll spend it, you’ll feel ready for the challenges. Let’s see: what responsibilities do you have in a day?

  • Lectures till 2 p.m.
  • Lunch and 30 minutes of rest
  • Write homework till 6 p.m.
  • 30 minutes of rest
  • Study till 9 p.m.
  • Spend some time with friends
  • Go to bed before midnight.

If you have such a plan, you know it fits your capacity. If you don’t you’ll be stressed out from the very morning. “Oh my God! I have so many lectures. I’ll be too tired when I’m done with them. When will I write homework? There’s no way I’ll find time for studying. What about the GoT night we were planning?” You see how lack of planning makes your head a complete mess? When you have a plan, you understand how to deal with the stress and that there’s enough time for everything.

Plus, you’ll never forget about a deadline or a test date.

Make Priorities

Okay, sometimes you won’t be able to fit everything in that schedule. You want to explore campus, join two clubs, meet new friends, become part of Greek life, and publish something in the campus newspaper? We’ll have to admit that’s a bit too much.

When you notice you’re pushing yourself beyond your limits, it’s time to step back. What are your priorities? Studying, attending lectures, writing the mandatory projects, and a moderate social life. If you attempt to achieve anything beyond what your capacity allows, you’ll have to sacrifice some of your priorities.. That means you’ll be feeling guilty, and that can mean only one thing: stress.

Always Find Space for Social Time

When you realize you have to sacrifice some of the things you like for the sake of studying, your social life is the first aspect to suffer the consequences. Sometimes that’s necessary. You’ll skip a party because you have to work on that English paper. Working on term papers and studying for a whole month without seeing anyone, however, is a problem.

You need an outlet. Otherwise, you’ll accumulate more stress than you’re able to cope with. Go dancing, meet new people, have walks… just be around people you like. They help you heal.

Just make sure to avoid alcohol and illegal substances. That’s not the right way on how to deal with stress. Plus, it’s not effective at all.

Get Help When You Don’t know How to Deal With Stress

Most college students are going through similar levels of stress. There are those who break under the pressure, there are those who sacrifice their social life to succeed in education, there are those who focus on social life and stop caring about education, and then there are those who know how to outsource and manage to do everything.

If you’re struggling with an important research paper, maybe a friend can help and you’ll return the favor? Okay, it’s not easy to find a friend willing to write you a paper. Maybe you can ask the professor to clarify the assignment? Maybe you can hire a writer to help? Help is available; you should only know where to find it.

Jonathan Brown, a writer from BestEssays, explains: “We have dozens of students coming to us for academic writing help daily. It’s not about being lazy. It’s not always about lacking writing skills. It’s mostly about not having time. These students realized they can achieve much better results when they outsource part of their work, and they are doing that pretty successfully.”

Instead of being stressed about your schedule being too full, think: can you get help with some of the tasks?

Get a Massage

Yes, it’s a serious and practical tip. When you have a busy week, get a massage over the weekend. Being tense reflects on your muscles. Do you notice how your posture is bended forward and your muscles feel stiff when you’re constantly worrying about something? That’s how stress affects your body. When you address those effects, you might reduce the psychological tension, too.

Learn How to Breathe

Breathing is such a natural process for us that we don’t even pay attention to it. When you start paying attention, however, you’ll notice how your breathing changes when you’re feeling stressed. When you’re relaxed, when you know how to deal with stress, you tend to breathe slowly and deeply. When stressed, however, your breath becomes short and shallow. At some moments, you might even catch yourself not breathing.

Try some breathing exercises and you’ll instantly notice a difference. When you’re able to control your breath, you’re practically changing your body’s reaction to stress.

Focus on Yourself

At college, you’re either taking lectures, studying, or hanging out with friends. That’s okay, but you’re constantly surrounded by other people. When will you have some me time? It’s not about being selfish. It’s about respecting yourself.

Reserve at least 20 minutes of your day to focus on yourself. Get deep into your thoughts and feelings. Recognize the moments that caused stress and anxiety. When you figure out what the reasons, you’ll be more aware of your reactions.


Yes, there’s enough time for that. If you’re unable to do it over the week, you can find time during the weekend.

Why do you need physical activity in your life? It pumps up your endorphins. Those are the neurotransmitters that make you feel good.

Pick a type of exercise you feel good about and stay committed to it. You need to turn it into a habit.

Talk to Someone You Trust

Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. It’s not okay to keep everything inside. Do you have a friend you trust? Share your worries and you’ll find support. Your family is there for you, too.

If you feel like your problems are too big and you don’t want to make the people around feel bad, talk to a counselor. They might recommend a psychotherapist, who will help you get through the times of difficulty and become strong enough to move forward.


Let’s list few consequences of insufficient sleep:

  • Reduced cognitive performance
  • Impaired attention and working memory
  • Increased risk for developing diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure

You’re getting less healthy, less efficient in studying, and more and more stressed when you don’t sleep enough. Adults need around 7-8 hours of sleep for their brain and body to regenerate. Make sure to get that sleep even when you have too much on your schedule.

You can do this

There’s no point in making peace with stress through college. If you don’t fight it, it can bring you to a moment when you don’t even recognize yourself.  Stress is part of our lives, but it’s also something we can manage. Hopefully, you’ll get stronger when you start following the tips above. Here are the action steps:

  • Make plans and priorities, but find time for friends
  • Outsource when you need to
  • Get some me time, which includes exercise and massage
  • Learn how to control the breath
  • Talk to someone you trust
  • Get enough sleep

Seems like a lot of work, but it’s easier than you think.


10 Essential Principles To Be Unbelievably Confident


10 Essential Principles To Be Unbelievably Confident


Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. – E.E. Cummings

“Don’t talk to her, you are not good enough”

The ‘encouraging’ thought welled up in my mind.

I was looking at my crush during recess. I thought of approaching her. My internal advisor advised against, and I listened. ‘Lucky….’

My mind had played a defensive script. I had more of these internal dialogues: ‘Just hang low, don’t attract too much attention.’ ‘I am just the quiet guy’ ‘Why are they looking at me like I am a weirdo?’

These self-deprecating thoughts dictated my mind. Somehow I thought I was a loser.

So that’s how I acted.

I didn’t dare do anything beyond my (perceived) capacities or status. I couldn’t even stand up for myself. Every time my bullies threw me in the garbage, I poorly objected.

After an arduous high school journey, college finally arrived.

I vowed to make a fresh start. This time I would be popular! So I impulsively joined a fraternity to compensate for my anxiety. Then I would be cool! Right?

Nope, I just started acting like a dick.

For a long time I mistook my misplaced arrogance, and that of my pledge brothers, for real confidence. I thought we were cool guys. But it was all vain status play. I was still being pushed around. By peers and my inner critic. To feel good I indulged in the theatre of cockiness – putting other people down to feel good. Not my proudest moments…

Strange how you act so counter-productive when feeling insecure.

After I was left heartbroken by my girlfriend, I hit emotional rock bottom. Something snapped.

What the fuck had I been doing? I could not go through life from misery to misery. Faking who I was, to have some intermittent highlight of joy. My circumstances should allow me to feel confident? Why wasn’t I ever feeling that way?

It was due time to get my shit together.

Two years later.

One of my (truly) best friend sits next to me. We are both a bit drunk and bantering away. He suddenly proclaims “You know most of your douchy frat brothers look up to you.” “Why?” I ask astounded. “Because you are always relaxed and confident. You are not swayed by what other people say or think about you.” “What? Are you kidding me? But I am just some nerdy guy?”

Only then it dawned on me.

I wasn’t a little pushover anymore. Somehow had I become confident. Besides I wasn’t acting like a dick anymore. Instead I was helping people because of my confidence. How did that happen?

Was I richer? Nope! Better looking? Definitely not. More intelligent? Me no thinksie!

Somewhere along the way I had discarded my misguided programming. Replacing it with constructive thinking patterns.

When I reached my low point years back. I vowed to improve myself. Immersing myself in motivational speeches and devouring self-help books. I knew that the positive words would rub off on my conscious and subconscious.

I started applying advices and mindsets. Using a growth mindset and most of all – I started taking action!

I am convinced anyone can grow to become confident. You too can gain mature and sustainable self-confidence. But it does mean a mental shift from the conventional.

Are you up to the challenge? Sure you are!

Time to take control.

Time to discard a life of limiting thoughts. Thoughts induced by fraudulent advertising, faulty upbringing and fake peers. Embrace the right way of thinking to be confident.

Let me introduce you to the basic confident mental models that helped me. With them I grew to someone I am proud of. Rethink yourself and your place in the world.

I give this advice because the world would be much better if we all were more confident. We would stop mitigating our anxieties and insecurities through destructive behavior. Instead you could use that confidence to support yourself, friends and strangers.

Let’s get started:

10 Essential Principles To Be Unbelievably Confident

#1 – Be honest about your life and accept who you are

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. – Tyler Durden

Let’s start from scratch.

Be brutally honest about where you are in life. Know it, feel it! Be honest about it to yourself and others. Stop denying and hiding from truths. What you deny, you can’t change.

Hard to grasp? Sit down and write it out.

I am a 28 year old guy in a shit job, wanting to travel the world. But can’t find the guts to cut some ties.

Your turn! The harder it is, the more you need to confront yourself.

Secondly – accept who you are.

You have strengths and weaknesses. And hey, you can improve them.

But not until you embrace who you are. Accept yourself as you are right now, with all your flaws and shortcomings. Find contentment in it. Because there is simply no other reality.

Through this utter acceptance you can you grow.


#2 Define your own values and framework

To grow confident you need to stop chasing illusions. Stop comparing yourself to what others demand of you. Or worse, what you think they expect from you.

Start by defining your own values. What is important to you? Why is it important? Start acting by these values.

Make a thorough analysis when defining your values. Make it profound.

Ask yourself: What implies my culture? And why? Do I agree? What did my parents teach me? Do I agree? And why? And so on. Get to the bottom of your thoughts and feelings.

Through reading, discussing and reflecting you can develop your set of standards and values. Use your own instinct, feelings and reasoning!

Recognize influence from group dynamics. So you won’t blindly follow the herd. Thinking for yourself means creating or choosing your own path in life.

Explore many sources to hone your thought and values. Read books and blogs. Have discussions and conversations. But always be critical and keep your wit.

Confident men and women define others by their standards. Not themselves by other people’s standards.

Create and follow your own moral compass.


#3 Go from outer reference to inner reference

There is definite proof that social media makes people feel bad. Why has he so many likes? Why is she going to cool parties etc.?

You might display similar behavior in the analog world. Why is he richer? Happier? Or more successful?

Strange how we make these unfair comparisons. We take a look at appearances and then compare it to how we feel inside.

We compare our inner-self, to the highly curated image of other people’s outer self.

A good recipe for misery.

Stop this unfair equation. Instead focus on yourself. To develop, think about how you make progress compared to your old self. Did I do better than the me of a month ago? Or a year ago? Did you make progress? That is success!

Progress of self is important for confidence.

And who is responsible for this confidence?

Who is responsible for success? And who for your failures? Where do you think control lies?

Confident people think it lies within themselves. They have cultivated an inner locus of control.

This means taking responsibility for your actions and results. You think you are responsible for how you feel and what you think.

Compare this to blaming everything on external actors. Like your boss, parents, the weather, or divine will. If you don’t think YOU are responsible, you won’t be inclined to improve.

Making yourself responsible will.

Granted, some things definitely are out of your control. But you are responsible for your reactions to these events.


#4 Adapt a growth mindset

As mentioned, developing and confidence go hand in hand. To stand still is to go backwards.

A fatal flaw people are susceptible to, is thinking their skills and character are set in stone. This deterministic mindset is incompatible with progress. It’s a limiting self-fulfilling prophecy.

If this is you, start adopting a growth mindset instead.

Know you can improve any skill! Know you can develop your character!

As long as you are alive, your body and mind can adapt to new challenges. Never think you can’t grow any further.

Furthermore, a healthy growth mindset acknowledges failure.

There is a lot of sketching before you draw a Mona Lisa. Redefine failure not as something stupid or dumb only for losers. But define it as a part of the learning process.

Failures will occur. Anticipate the impact and plan for getting back up!

Every failure is another lesson learned.

#5 Stop seeking validation and acceptance from others

As a person led by inner values you won’t need attention, validation and acceptance of others.

You might get it. You might even enjoy it.

But you don’t need it!

Stop actively seeking and craving it. Stop pleasing people to get it.

You can be nice to people! Of course! But it should come from a position of strength and compassion. Not from seeking acceptance and attention. Your own acceptance and moral integrity are the most important. Others can follow if they want.

If you condone behavior opposite to your values, or give away status to be accepted. You act without integrity. Losing confidence in the process.

Instead, stand by your values!


#6 Cultivate a Bias for the Positive

People have this amazing power to decide how they feel about events. A small pause between stimuli and reaction. As mentioned by  Victor Frankl.

Cultivate this little pause.  And use it to choose a more positive reaction.

Guide your responses away from annoyance, anger or fear. Go instead for interest, gratefulness or excitement.

You can actively rephrase your thought patterns. Train different ways of thinking and speaking.

Examples of redefining your view on the world are:

–    Think in solutions instead of problems
–    Reflect on past achievements instead of past transgressions.
–    Enjoy the process instead of only seeing the goal.
–    Never let a good crisis go to waste
–    Focus on what you want instead of what you avoid

Of course there will always be old negative thinking patterns. Try using them as little as possible and actively immerse your mind with positivity.

Read uplifting books. Use mantra’s to rewire your brain. Let go of toxic people and environments and embrace uplifting ones.

All little steps to be more optimistic and confident.

“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – Frank Outlaw


#7 Lose self-limiting beliefs

When we grow up, we create models of the world.

We construct beliefs that explain what happens around us. X happens because of Y. End of story.

These beliefs can be deeply ingrained in our thinking.

But, a lot of beliefs are flawed. They limit your progress and possibilities. They prevent you from action and enjoying life.

Grow beyond these scripts.

First recognize them. When you think “I can’t do X because of Y.” Or anything similar, be alert!

Analyze whether that statement is true. And why. Reason even furthers. ‘Why do I think that?’ ‘Are not other people doing the same thing?’ Find prove that it is possible, contradicting your initial limiting belief.

Then redefine your scripts. Because these imposed scripts will limit you. Instead of thinking I can’t do this. Think I can do X despite Y.

This is a hard and elusive problem – but it can be countered!

#8 Forgive yourself and others

We all fuck up in life.

It’s a good idea to remind yourself everyday of your mistakes. And make yourself feel very miserable.

No of course not!!

You should learn from your mistakes. Absolutely. But wallowing in negative feelings won’t help. There is little you can change about past events. It has happened.

Instead: Own up to it, fix the problem if you can, forgive yourself, learn and move on. Don’t waste time and energy feeling bummed out about it.

Take the time to forgive yourself for mistakes.

Also – stop holding grudges. It is no good to keep being mad or grieved at others for their mistakes. Let go of it, you’ll release yourself from emotional poison.

Forgiveness allows you to focus on the now and the future instead of dwelling in the past.


#9 Be Self Reliant

Part of being confident is you know everything will be all right. Especially when shit hits the fan.

Got dumped? Got laid off? Dust yourself off, and tell yourself it will be all right.

No spiraling down in destructive self-pity. No bouts of whining and comfort seeking from friends and family.

Of course you can mourn. You can be sad or melancholic. It is not about being happy and joyful all the time. We all experience a wide range of emotion. Important emotions that are part of the human experience.

But inside, you know you the bad times will pass.

So you will tell yourself.

You will feel good and grow stronger in the future.


#10 Don’t take yourself too seriously

We are all insignificant bags of meat and bones. Trying to make meaning of a collection of random events called life.

People seeking power, fame and money are just looking for that bliss they had as a child. When life wasn’t that hard, when we weren’t putting so much pressure on ourselves.

Were you taking things seriously back then? I guess not right. Is there any reason to be serious about everything now? In a world filled with randomness? No reason at all.

Go with the flow and laugh about your own mistakes, successes and theatrics!

The world’s a stage and we are best in fooling ourselves with our performances! Choose the role you want and enjoy it. Knowing fully well, it is all a game if you just choose to play and have fun.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.  –Elbert Hubbard


Becoming confident comes at a price.


A change of heart and mind. Believe me, it is well worth it. If you succeed, you will still have ups and down in life. But also a steady level contentment. An anchor of stability that keeps you going without all too much problems.

So how can you possible make this shift? Small consistent steps. Here are some action to get started:

  • Define your own values
    • Sit down and reflect, evaluate and define what is important to you
    • Reflect and refine your values over your life
    • Live true to them
  • Start a meditation practice to gain insight and control over your mind
  • Stop watching social media compulsively
    • Read positive, growth focused books, blogs and movies
    • Start slow, you will get there step by step. Start taking control and responsibility for your mind.

I love to hear your thoughts on all this. Let me know what opened your mind? Where are you struggling to become confident?


Lacking Self-Esteem? Here’s How to Get More Confidence



Self-esteem can have a massive impact on every area of your life.

Sometimes our upbringings and life experiences can lead us to ask “how can I be confident in myself when I feel like a failure?”

Every one of us has things in our lives that make our confidence waiver. Whether you are shy and have difficulty meeting new people, have body image issues, or have experienced a recent breakup, there are many things that can negatively impact our self-esteem.

The good news is, this state of mind isn’t permanent and there are a variety of confidence-building activities that can teach you how to gain self-esteem.

This article will explore the significance of self-esteem, provides a self-confidence test and examine different self-confidence tips and strategies.

How Does Self-Esteem Impact Our Lives?

Let’s start by taking some time to go over the importance of self-confidence.

Someone that is confident about their value, skills and abilities will convey this to the people around them. They are more likely to succeed with social, professional and personal ventures.

Now picture someone with low self-esteem. They are likely to have a difficult time in all of the areas addressed above. They may not go after what they want because they believe they will fail or they are not good enough to achieve what they desire. Even if their skills and abilities are identical to the person with higher levels of confidence, they have a harder time convincing themselves of their worth and ultimately succeeding in critical life areas.

Do you suffer from low confidence?

Take the self-confidence test below to determine if you might have a problem.

How Much Self-Confidence Do You Have?

Self-esteem is an essential component of personal satisfaction, fulfilling relationships and life achievements. Answer the following questions with a “yes” or “no” to begin your confidence test.

  1. Do you believe that if you work hard and dedicate yourself to your goals that you’ll achieve them?
  2. If you don’t experience success the first time you try something, do you try again or simply give up?
  3. If you work hard to solve a problem, do you believe that you’ll eventually find the answer?
  4. Are you likely to keep trying after others have given up?
  5. Is rejection and criticism something that you can overcome relatively easily?
  6. Do you feel that you are worthy of love and affection?
  7. If you were to suddenly disappear, do you think most people would notice?
  8. If you disagree with someone, are you likely to express your opposing thoughts and feelings?
  9. Do you initiate new relationships and feel that others enjoy your company?
  10. Do you feel like you bring value to your relationships, employer and community?
  11. When you compare yourself to others do you still feel good about yourself and your achievements?
  12. Do you feel like you can be yourself around others and still make a good impression?
  13. If someone points out your mistakes or shortcomings do you take it as an opportunity for self-improvement?
  14. After you complete a project, do you feel good about it even if no one recognizes your work?
  15. Do you like yourself for who you are?

Once you’ve finished answering the questions above, count the number of times you responded with a “No.” If seven or more questions were answered with a “No” then you might have a problem with self-confidence.

So, now the focus should shift to “how to get more confidence and self-esteem.” If you’re ready to do this, then continue reading for some helpful self-confidence tips and strategies.

How To Get More Confidence ~ Everyday Tactics

Which comes first, confidence or success?

While success can certainly give your confidence a healthy boost, it is not necessarily what creates confidence.

If you start out with the confidence to try to achieve specific goals, and accept the possibility that you might fail, then you will be much more likely to achieve them.

For example, let’s say you are a new student of the English language. You may be wondering “how to build confidence in speaking English?”

The important thing to keep in mind is that this type of confidence will develop over time. As you practice and embrace the fact that you will make mistakes, your small successes will slowly build up to large ones and your confidence will also begin to increase.

When we look at making overall improvements to self-confidence, there are a variety of methods to help make this happen.

The following list examines a few powerful ways to get started:

  • Exercise: This may seem unrelated to building confidence in relationships or your professional life but it can have a very large impact on your general self-esteem. On a basic level, increasing physical fitness can improve your self-image and elevate your perception of yourself. The act of completing the challenge of exercise itself offers regular proof of success and your body and mind will become accustomed to believing that you can achieve your goals.
  • Shift Your Focus: Take a few minutes every day to focus on your positive characteristics and achievements. This can be difficult if you’re used to dwelling on your shortcomings, but with some practice it will become easier and easier to change your perspective and build up your confidence.
  • Fake It: It can be hard to act confident when you’re not really feeling it but the results can be pretty profound. Tailoring your appearance and actions to convey confidence can actually create real feelings to emerge. One powerful way to employ this tactic is through “power poses.”
  • Prepare Yourself: Oftentimes, showing up to a situation unprepared can wreak havoc on our confidence levels. Our anxiety shoots up and we come across as unsure and awkward. Whether you are going out on a date with your long-time crush or giving a performance management presentation to the executives at your company, taking the time to prepare for the event can really help your confidence levels and set you up for success.
  • Embrace Self-Improvement: It may not be fun, but when we actually look at the things we are not fond of about ourselves, it gives us a chance to fix them. Sometimes we lack confidence because we haven’t taken the time to work on building our skills, knowledge, etc. This strategy is a long-term one but it can go a long way toward improving your self-confidence.

Action Steps to Take

We’ve established the impact that confidence can have on your relationships, work, ambition, and your everyday life experiences. Most of us could use some extra self-confidence and there are many ways to get to a place where we can effectively give our confidence a boost. Once you determine your level of self-confidence, it’s time to pick some tactics to improve it.

While some may find exercise and prep work to be a good route, others might have better results with a shift in focus, power poses and a plan for self-improvement.

The most critical step in the process is deciding to move forward and get started. Low self-confidence is definitely a problem but it doesn’t have to be a permanent state of mind. Do you have any other tips for improving confidence? We’d love to hear about them.